Surviving suicide was and is still a big part of me today. I survived. I’m still here, aren’t I?
Surviving so many years of the worst, such as bullying, tragedies, bad days... I survived it all. I became more aware of my surroundings and surrounded myself with better people. I knew my tragedies were in the past, I couldn't dwell too much.
Having depression, and many more mental health issues, were a big history in my family. I told myself I was not going to be depressed... or have anxiety.
Finally, in 2011, it all caught up with me... my aunt died about four years after my uncle did in 2008. Both from suicide.
Yes, it hurt my family big time for both tragedies. This goes along with bullying. I was bullied for my deafness, that led me to think killing myself was the permanent solution. When really, it was not.
Bad days are just probably the simplest... you'll just be done with the day at 12 am...why dwell on the day you just had? Don't.
Surviving suicide has been an accomplishment for me. Why?
After so many attempts, you eventually will give up...I eventually did. Then again...I'm still here. I became that girl after many years of attempting. After family tragedy struck in 2008 and again in 2011, I did not want to do my life anymore. Two favorite people in my life were gone, and I was left alone in the world.
I did not find my happiness again until about 2017. I was recovering from depression and anxiety. Hell, I'm still recovering. I was in a mental hospital for about two weeks maybe less to get help with both. I was horrible. I just wanted help.
I knew my parents couldn't understand, so I decided to do a 72-hour evaluation to see if I had depression and anxiety. Truth be told, I had both. If you self-diagnosed yourself, you will need proof from a physiatrist.
Go get an evaluation and seek help. Before I decided to get help, I was on edge--I did not know what I was going to do, to be honest. I just wanted to be done with life. My depression and anxiety took over my body.
Do you ever feel like you're drowning? Do you feel like you need a minute to cry?
It's OK to cry. It's never OK to feel like you're drowning.
Sure, you will have your bad and good days.
"It does not take over your body.." As someone tells me. Yes, it does. Depression will make you dwell while anxiety will you make worry constantly.
And if I made it, you can make it... I promise you that.
Before ending your life, ask yourself, "Is it really worth it?" "Can I fix this?" "When can I?" "Is it a quick fix?" "Would it hurt others?"
There are still times where I want to just end it for real...then again, I have therapy and counseling to be thankful for. I improved a bunch, but I am still recovering as I am learning.
Tomorrow is another day. Don't let one day ruin your whole week.
You have your whole life planned out now. Set goals for yourself, and keep yourself distracted.
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National Suicide Prevention Lifeline — Call 1-800-273-8255