Due to recent events, my heart has been crushed into a million tiny pieces. My heart literally sank to the bottom of my stomach and I felt like I could throw up. The initial shock has worn off, but I’m still left with a feeling of guilt. It makes It worse because all I know what to say is: I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for not seeing how much pain you were in
All those times you stopped replying, left me on read or gave me one word answers, you said you were busy and I believed you, because I too, were busy.
I’m sorry for not being there when you needed me
I know that the past few weeks have been a little more hectic than usual for me, so I haven’t been online much, but I know that’s no excuse, especially when I’ve always told you that I’d always be here when you needed me.
I can’t even begin to imagine the pain that you must be going through at this moment. It brings tears to my eyes to know that the pain was so bad that you tried to end your life. I’ve always said that trying to take your own life was not the solution, that things do get better, and I’ve truly believed that because things have gotten better for me, but to hear that one of my own best friends tried to take their life because It felt like the battle inside their head wasn’t going to end absolutely broke me.
You haven’t left my head since the moment I received the news from your brother. I immediately told our other friends and all of them said things such as “I want to cry” or “my heart just broke,” because we all care about you, so, so much.
It makes me feel a lot better knowing you’re going to physically recover and that you are getting the help that you need to recover mentally as well.
I understand that this is going to take some time to bounce back from, but when you do bounce back, I know that you’re going to come back stronger than ever, and that you aren’t going to let anything stand in your way of doing whatever you want to do in life.
I just want you to know that attempting suicide is not cowardly, despite what people on the internet may have to say. What is cowardly are the people who are talking down on It and saying that there are other ways out, which makes me believe that they themselves have not been there, have not felt so low where they feel like they have no other options.
While you are recovering, I just want you to know that I am not going anywhere. I’ll be here waiting for you when you get back. I am so incredibly proud of you for everything that you have accomplished and you have so much going for you. Don’t worry about anything else, just focus on yourself and your recovery, that’s the most important thing that you can do right now.
It’s ok not to be ok. It’s ok to struggle, to feel helpless, or to feel like there’s no way out. Just know that there are plenty of resources out there available to you.
If you or someone you know is struggling or thinking of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. The hotline provides 24/7 free and confidential support to anyone who needs It.