Body Dysmorphia is a common mental illness where a person obsesses over their appearance.

I wish I knew when I began picking apart my looks, I really do. I wish I could pin point the exact moment this demon got into my head and convinced me to spend hours on hours of my day putting myself down. The worst part about it is understanding how absurd the things I say about myself are, but not being able to stop myself from thinking that way.

The last time I stepped on the scale, I was 108 pounds.

I'm completely aware of the fact that 108 pounds is not overweight for my height, but somehow I've convinced myself that it doesn't matter. I tell myself "If a scale is just a number and it doesn't matter, then weighing 108 pounds doesn't make me thin." My mind is appalled by the way my stomach rolls when I bend over, the way the back of my legs jiggle when I run, and overall just not being as toned as I desire to be.

I workout, run and maintain a somewhat healthy diet. It has been 5 years since I decided to quit eating fast food. I had also stopped drinking pop a few months before that. It's a great achievement that honestly took a lot of dedication in the beginning.

You think I could be happy, living a healthy lifestyle, and that I would accept myself, knowing I'm healthy... but I always expect more from myself.

The thing is, why can't I expect more from my way of thinking? Why am I more disgusted with my body than I am about letting my insecurities run my life?

This demon does, in fact, run my life at times. It even affects my relationship in certain ways. My boyfriend is my best friend. We've been together almost 3 years and have always had a healthy, refreshing relationship.

I wish I had the confidence to be the sexy, confident woman I believe he deserves. It's hard to be in touch with your sexuality when you are constantly putting yourself down. It's hard to truly dive into a relationship with someone headfirst with vulnerability and have no cares in the world when your mind is telling you to be ashamed of your body.

I have wanted to be the type of girl that never lets him forget how much he is physically wanted, but it's hard to when you feel discouraged because you don't look like a Victoria Secret model. It doesn't matter how much he tells me there's nothing wrong with me because it's not what others think of me. It's what I think of myself.

I don't go a day without putting myself down. It gets to a point where it prevents me from being the strong, confident woman I know I am inside. I know that when I can finally bring myself to the point where I can stop putting myself down, I would be unstoppable, but how do I get to that point? How do we overcome it?

As someone who has yet to overcome this way of thinking, I've realized it will take time and a lot of self-appreciation. I am not a victim of bullying and this didn't stem from a mean comment someone made about me.

It started when I compared myself to photos of women in the media.

It started when I convinced myself that I didn't deserve to be confident or feel sexy because I didn't look like those women.

I look at another woman who looks the same as me or women who are even bigger than me and I think they are absolutely beautiful. I may have extremely high and possibly unrealistic expectations for myself, but I'm hoping that slowly, I can find the beauty in myself that I so commonly see in other people.

If you are suffering from Body Dysmorphia in the way I am, just remember that a lot of the models you compare yourself to are NOT naturally that way. They spend hours at the gym, barely eat, dehydrate themselves before photos and events, sometimes have plastic surgery done, and somehow, they STILL need photoshopped.

We need to remember that we are beautiful because of our hearts and our minds. We have personality traits that make us worthy and our confidence in what we have to offer the world is the true definition of sexy. There's nothing wrong with making fitness goals for yourself, but don't get lost in those expectations. Be proud of your accomplishments because if you aren't, you will never be happy in your own skin.

It doesn't matter how many people call you beautiful or compliment you, the only person that can fix this is you.