I’m not sure if one can really be good at Tinder, however let me go ahead and clarify that it is possible to be terrible at it. I’m a walking example of this. Should I be admitting this to the world? Probably not. But am I going to continue diving into the nightmare that is my love life via Tinder? You betcha.

For starters, it’s probably not the smartest idea to be on Tinder when I’m basically the female version of Ted Mosby. A guy can message me saying something as simple or cliché as, “Hey there, love of my life” and I will immediately start planning our wedding.

“Oh! You like dogs too?! That’s so crazy because I also love dogs also can I have your children?” Note to self: this method does not work and will freak most guys out.

Another reason I may not be the absolute best at the dating game that is Tinder probably has a lot to do with the fact that I find myself messaging guys first (hahaha this isn’t even the problem!!) and saying things like, “Fun fact!! One time I fractured my tailbone because I accidentally kicked myself!” or something even smoother like:

The guy who received my message about my graceful experience of fracturing my tailbone replied by saying, “Haha hey you’re weird” to which I said, “I’m not sure if that’s good or bad but I’ll take it as a compliment.” Sadly, he never replied so I can only assume it wasn’t too much of a compliment, but hey, you win some and you lose some. Am I right? No? Okay, it's fine. I'm fine.

I can’t help that I know exactly how to talk to guys, okay? It’s just a God-given gift of mine. Maybe it’s how awkward I am, or just how abundantly clueless I can be that has all* of them chasing after me – I truly don’t know.

*None

Regardless, I’ve accepted my fate as someone who just isn’t Tinder-savvy and honestly, I’m not even mad. I’m banking on meeting someone in person (the horror) at some point and I’m sure when I bring up my fractured tailbone and awkward social skills he’ll immediately get down on one knee right then and there.

However, until then I’ll just continue to roam around on Tinder swiping right in hopes of at least hearing some above average pick-up lines. A girl can dream, okay?