Last week I wrote an article that raised a few (thousand) eyebrows. I wrote about how I am not a feminist and how I choose to live my life based on God’s teachings. One little paragraph I wrote in particular seemed to bother people:

“But listen carefully when I say that you are not called to submit to any man but your husband. You don’t submit to your boss. You don’t submit to your boyfriend. You don’t submit to your brother. You don’t submit to any man that you are not married to.”

Submission is a word that a lot of people have trouble with. It goes against our culture today. From a young age, women are being taught to be independent and to not let anyone control them. This is a good thing to be taught; however, the Biblical definition of submission is not control, but is often confused as such.

Submission does not mean that you give up rights as a woman or a human.

It can’t be expected for anyone that is not filled with the Holy Spirit to accept and understand submission. As sinful beings, we are not naturally submissive. It is in our nature to want to be in control of ourselves and our lives. And until you submit to God, you won’t be able to fully understand the benefits of submission.

Don’t think of submission as associated with words such as control, weakness, defeat, and dominance. That is not what submitting is about. In accordance with the Bible, "submission" should instead be associated with words such as respect, honor, trust, and strength.

It takes a strong person to submit.

Submission is mostly associated with women, as it ought to be. But men also need to submit. Men submit to Christ. As do women. First and foremost, every person should submit themselves to the Lord. The church is the bride of Christ, and therefore submits to Him.

To focus on submission in the role of a woman, Ephesians 5:22-24 should be looked at: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, for as the husband is the head of the wife. Christ is the head of the church. He is the savior of the body. Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.”

Notice that Paul is talking about wives and husbands. As I have previously stated, you do not submit to any person that isn’t your husband. So if you aren’t married, you shouldn’t be submitting to anyone. Even if you are engaged; until the day you say “I do,” do not submit.

To focus on submission through the man’s side of things, Ephesians 5:25-26 should be looked at: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word.” He later goes on to talk about how a man is to love his wife as himself. Verse 29 says, “For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church…”

Husbands are called to love and respect their wives to the point of dying for them if necessary. Women are called to respect their husbands. That’s it. That is pretty easy in comparison to dying.

Just because a woman is married to a man does not mean that he is worthy of her submission. That’s not how it works. The wife submits to her husband, but first submits to Christ. And she only submits to her husband if he is a man that is submitting to Christ. This is why we are called to be equally yoked.

Don’t marry a man who doesn’t share the same religious beliefs and understandings as you. If you both have the same understanding of Jesus and what He has called us to do, then submitting to your husband through God’s will allows the relationship to flourish. Submission is an act built upon trust.

I used to struggle with the whole idea of submission, like many girls, before I understood what it really meant. It does not mean that women are less than men. The wife and husband are of equal importance within the marriage, but have different roles and responsibilities.

God loves men equally to women. He loves all of His children. Galatians 3:28 says, “There is no Jew or Greek, slave or free, male or female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” He sees you as His child and His creation, and He loves you.

Submission does not mean that women don’t have a voice or opinion. It means that the wife gives her opinion, the husband hears it, respects it, and takes it into consideration when making the ultimate decision. Because ultimately the decision is up to him. But if you are both submitting to God, then he will make the right decision, a decision that can be trusted.

My basis for this article is off of the example of a Christ-centered marriage. Like I said earlier, a woman only submits to her husband after he submits to Christ. If a husband is beating his wife, she should not submit; she should leave. He has not submitted to Christ. A man that is submitting to the Lord will never put his wife in the position of choosing between submitting to him or to the Lord.

Submission does not have to be a dirty word. Submission through God’s plan is key to a healthy and successful marriage. The world will tell you that submission is wrong. The world will tell you to be independent and to lean on your own understanding. I am not of the world. I will choose to listen to God. His word is true.

The world is wrong.