Study Reveals That Millennials Lack Relationship Skills And Confidence

Study Reveals That Millennials Lack Relationship Skills And Confidence

With the takeover of social media, millennials seem to be losing the ability to date as well as hold high self-esteem.
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These days, the word “millennial” has many negative connotations attached to it. This generation of young adults were born into a world of technology, social media, and speedy devices that can satisfy an array of needs in the palm of one’s hand. Many complain that the millennial generation has lost the ability to interact with others around them face to face. With apps like Tinder, Instagram, Facebook, and an array of other outlets, thousands of college students are able to swipe through and accept or deny other singles around them based on their physical appeal.

This information leads many to ask, “are millennials losing the ability to hold steady relationships?” Is our distance between one another, our isolation and lack of real conversation, diminishing dating? The college “hookup culture” is a major factor of social life on most campuses. If a student isn't browsing for a person to “talk to" through apps on their phone, they maybe instead drinking in a party setting to find a new hookup partner.

When many millennials do eventually find a person that might be worth trying a relationship with, many report getting stuck in a limbo often referred to as the “talking phase.” In this phase, one or both of the individuals in the relationship likes the other person but does not want to commit to them completely. In other words, they want to continue an emotional relationship but also have the ability to hookup with others. It seems as though millennials are not just lacking the ability to make real conversation and meet others through pure human interaction, but lack the desire to have a committed relationship. Does this speak for all millennials? Do we all want to run the other way when commitment comes around?

I wanted to learn more about how millennials were really feeling about relationships and dating. I surveyed over 200 college students, both male and female, ages 18 to 22. What I found suggested that millennials are in fact isolating themselves behind phone screens and finding it difficult to establish meaningful connections with others. 95 percent of students I surveyed reported that they find it difficult to find a relationship. When it comes to looking for a partner, the students' two most common methods were through social media apps like Tinder and Snapchat or by social events that involved drinking. 82 percent stated that they were okay with casual hookup partners and 95 percent felt that it was easier to talk to a possible partner when drunk.

What do all of these numbers suggest about millennials? On the surface, it seems as though we are uncommitted, unable to hold real conversations, and too reliant on our digital devices to guide us through life. And there is more...

Millennials may be relying on social media to misrepresent who they are in an effort to find a date. 89 percent of those surveyed said they used social media accounts to make themselves more attractive to possible partners. But how is this making them feel? When I asked how social media impacted these students emotionally, the most common responses were that social media made them feel “insecure,” “pressured to be perfect,” and “anxious.” And while many are casually hooking up, lacking emotional depth or connection, 75 percent of those that were single reported that they wished they could find a real relationship. Out of all surveyed, 95 percent said that their ideal situation in the future was a lifelong, committed relationship.

While these statistics do show that us millennials are not as commitment-phobic as many claim, we have other flaws that need fixing. It seems as though millennials are masking the desire for connection and relationships with quick fixes like drinking, social media interactions, and “no strings attached” relationships. We are filtering out our insecurities, posting for attention, and making thousands of followers think we are not alone. Instead of gathering together the courage to talk to the cute girl in our class, we are “swiping left and right” on Tinder based on a simple picture and short bio.

So how do we fix this? How do we stop making shallow, short judgements on someone that could actually have been “the one?” The answer is not easy but we can look to our older generations for some guidance. The video "Look Up" directed by Gary Turk delves into this problem.

Look at the amazing relationships that have come out of meeting people organically. We need to stop relying on “likes” and “matches” as a fuel for our self-esteem. Find passions that make you feel whole outside of a screen and engage in activities with like-minded groups of people that make you feel great as you are. Start dating (yes, I mean go out on a real date. Maybe to a movie, with just you two) instead of taking shots together in a crowded bar. The best relationships start as friendships, out of respect and trust, not over a Snapchat conversation.

Most importantly, stay true to yourself. If you keep coming up short with the same types of partners, try changing up your environment. If you have a hobby, look for others with that hobby. If you find yourself relying on the number of likes on a recent post for a mood booster, take a break from social media. If you spend too much time with your head down in a screen of apps and thousands of strangers online, try looking up before you miss out on someone great that just passed you by. We as a generation can do better when it comes to love, dating, and our own self happiness.

Cover Image Credit: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/12190368/No-sex-please-were-teenagers.html

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Just Because I Check My Boyfriend's Location Every Hour Doesn't Make Me A 'Psycho Girlfriend'

No, checking his location every hour does not make me psycho.
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My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a few months now. He has come up with describing my actions sometimes as “psycho girlfriend.” As much as this bothered me at first I started to realize there is nothing wrong with my “psycho” actions.

I don’t monitor who my boyfriend hangs out with and I don’t care who he texts, I trust him, but I do watch other things he does.

I probably check his location about once an hour, maybe more if he isn’t texting me back.

This isn’t some way for me to find out if he is with another girl, it’s so I can ensure he isn’t dead in a ditch somewhere. If he was on Snapchat five minutes ago but hasn’t texted me back in 45 minutes, yeah I’ll call him out on it but I'm not actually mad. If he is with friends and not answering me, it’s cool. I just want to be able to make sure I know where he is and that he is alive on a regular basis.

I make him keep his read receipts on for me.

I don’t care if he leaves me on read, I just need to know he is seeing what I’m saying. Half the time, I text him random facts or thoughts I have throughout my day, those don’t always need a response back. However, I do want to know he is acknowledging me through reading my texts.

Yes, from time to time I will spam him and make him respond to my messages so we can make plans or I can know what he is doing with his day but it’s not like I plan out his every move for him or care if he is getting drunk with the boys on a Wednesday, not my issue.

I don’t ask for all of his time or anything. I know he is a busy person. All I ask for him to text me back on a regular basis (once an hour to be exact), for him to allow for me to know where he is at all times and to get one night a week with him.

I don’t plan to show up where he is or anything, I simply just like to know information and get a weekly time with him. I don’t care if I only see him that one night a week, I just want one night with a movie or dinner or snuggles so I can get my boyfriend time.

The rest of the time he is his own person, and I couldn’t really care less about what he does in that time.

Cover Image Credit: Grace Wilkowski

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The Last Goodbyes

A Little Too Late...Or Is It?
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Rebecca's Point of View:

I can't believe today's the day, it felt like just yesterday that I walked into Clair's Boutique for my first day on the job. Before I drive to the airport, I am going to stop at the store to say my last goodbyes to everyone. I don't want Alan and I to leave things as they are right now. We still haven't resolved the fight thag happened on Wednesday. I miss him so much and it hurts to know that we might never see eachother again. I just can't believe all that we've been through a fight is going to tear us apart. I almost lost him once, I don't want to lose him a second time.

As I enter the store, the first person I see is Clair. She walks over to me with a big smile on her face and engulfs me in a hug. When she pulls away she says, "I still can't believe you're leaving, we're going to miss you so much!"

"I can't believe I am either, I never thought an opportunity like this would come around. Where is Mr. Brooks? I was hoping to say goodbye to him too."

"He's been locked in his office since yesterday. He doesn't seem like he's in a good mood, but go ahead. Are you two going through something right now?"

"Yea, we're going through a rough patch."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I hope you two can work it out!"

"Thanks, I really appreciate it." Then I turn away from her and head to his office. His door is open just a crack and I can see that his head is in his hands. I knock and I enter, "Hey, as you know I am going to leave for the airport, but I wanted to stop by and say my goodbyes. So I guess this is it, do you have anything you want to say to me before I go, probably forever!"

He doesn't look at me but says, "Have a safe trip and good luck in New York."

"Oh, thanks." Before I leave, I stand in the doorway and look at him, but he's still avoiding eye contact. So I turn and leave. I was hoping he would say 'come back,' but he never does.

Clair's Point of View:

After Clair left I was trying to think of a plan to get Mr. Brooks attention off from her. So I decided to find him and eat lunch together. When I come across him, he's already in the break room sulking. "How are you doing?"

"Ok."

"I don't mean to pry but is everything alright between you and Rebecca?"

"No, it's not."

"I'm here if you want to talk about it."

"I just can't believe that everything we've been through she'd go behind my back. She means the world to me, but I don't know if I can trust her anymore. We had a big fight on Wednesday and we didn't resolve it. Now she's going to be in New York at her new job, and I'll probably never see her again."

"I'm so sorry, yeah you two have been through a lot together. It sucks that a small fight would tear your two apart. But You're right you can't trust her anymore, you're too good for her anyways."

"Yeah we have been through a lot together and you're right, one little fight shouldn't make or break us. Couples go through this all the time and they push through it and they don't give up."

"Wait, what? Did you hear about the second part I said?"

"I have to go and too that plane before it's too late." He quickly jumps out of the chair, sprints to his office to get his keys, and runs out the door.

Mr. Brooks Point of View:

I drive as fast as I can, hoping the police don't pull me over. I hope I can make it in time to stop her from leaving. I finally reach the airport, find a parking spot, and sprint towards the entrance. I quickly find a screen with the gate numbers listed and I scan for the one to New York. I find it and run to gate number 36. As I'm sprinting to the gate, I hear an announcement saying, "Last call for gate number 36 to New York City." I start to panic and sprint even faster trying to avoid all of the people. I reach the gate and the doors are closed, I turn to the assistant and ask her, "Is there anyway I can board the plane?"

"Sorry, but once the doors shut, they stay closed. But if you need more assistance you can go to the courtesy desk."

"Look, I'm sorry but you don't understand. This isn't my flight, my girlfriend is on there. We had a huge fight, and now she's leaving to New York and I may never see her again!"

"I'm sorry sir, but the plane is almost ready for take off."

I notice the plane moving towards the runway and I realize it's too late. "Thank you for your time." I look through one of the big windows and watch her leave with tears running down my face I was too late.


Cover Image Credit: Hospitality Lawyers.com

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