I see you. I really see you.
I know that mask you put on each morning before you see others; I know how much the weight of it tries to drag your head down.
I know the depression weighing on you feels heavier than anything you could ever imagine. I know all you want is just to feel light again.
To feel free. To not feel burdened and poisoned by the darkness hidden inside your own mind. I know the pain of those dark thoughts; dark thoughts screaming at you from every which way and you can’t reach the off switch or even find the damn thing for that matter.
I know you wish and hope and pray to whatever being you believe in or don’t each night to be rid of this demon. I know you’d give anything, do anything if you could just be normal again.
I know you hide behind that smile. I know you hide the pain well. I know you keep quiet; keep the pain to yourself for what feels like too many reasons to count.
You don’t want anyone to know those dark thoughts, don’t want to burden them with the weight of it all.
If you tell someone of the darkness, the pain you feel, it makes it real. And you don’t want it to be real. You can’t bear to speak the words aloud and have it be said.
You fear to take off that mask in front of someone, only for them to judge and ridicule you for what they might see underneath.
But if you never take off that mask, if you never give voice to this hurt inside of you, it’ll just get darker.
As much as you try to just ‘grin and bear it’ and will it away, it won’t work. As much as you try to wish it will just disappear, it won't.
Unless you reach out, voice your pain to someone else and find help, nothing much may change.
The person on the other side won’t have a magic trick to fix you. Unfortunately, there is no magic fix. But, if you choose the right person, they’ll listen as you speak of your demons and they’ll listen to understand, not listen to respond.
I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m not saying the darkness will clear in one night. It may be a long and rough road, but you won’t be walking it alone.
So take a chance. Make a list of who you could talk to. Maybe it’s a family member or a friend or a pastor or a therapist or a crisis helpline. There are people that care about you and there are resources to help you. You can find a thorough list of resources online provided by the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. I promise you, you don’t have to fight this beast alone.
I promise you, you don't have to fight this alone.