Alas, today marks the final day of Street Week, and that deflates my usually brimming spirit. But all good things must come to an end, and hopefully all bad things as well, such as a rough patch of unemployment and chronic self-doubt, a mind never granted more than a seconds relief from irrational worry. That was an unrelated thought, I apologize. As I've mentioned earlier, my NFL Street team is Ice Age 2, and ironically they're the only ones to survive extinction from the great ball of fire known as Clint Maddox, he who tears up the field with every drive. After at least four days of peaking your interest, I suppose you want to know more about the seven players who started from nothing and managed to usurp the Legends as top dog. So without further adieu, here are the seven deadly sinners that combine to make Ice Age 2. But uh, no pictures, got it?

1. Hurly Hefts

The man with the arm. He hurls and he hefts. A farmer's boy, Hurly unlocked his own launch codes when he was just a lad. Some local high-school football jocks thought cattle-rustling some of Old Man Hefts' stock would be the perfect after-party to their victorious Homecoming game. But they never should've came to this home. A young Hefts spotted the C-average clods harassing Dana, the family's prized dairy cow. Spotting a football chucked by one of the goons, Hurly gave it all he had and knocked the ringleader unconscious with a perfect spiral to the temple, sending the other boys running tails in between their legs. From then on Hurly grew to love the game of football and eventually traveled to the city looking to lend a hand in local pick-up games.

2. Dean Jouste

Dean Jouste is a city slicker, an athlete and was a Vine star who played pranks on people and ran away. After the death of Vine he knew he had to resort to his more physical talents in order to get somewhere. In just six seconds, Dean can outrun some of the fastest DBs in the league and anyone who doesn't like his two-hand-touch brand of viral comedy. Dean wanted to be back at it again with viral media, so one day he hopped a fence into a pick-up game, where he caught a pass thrown by Hurly Hefts. Hefts had been in the city for the day delivering milk but got roped into a game of streetball. Dean tried to roast Hefts after the game, inquiring about what "those" are, but Hefts didn't ingest social media and therefore didn't understand. This caused Dean to finally understand that being famous on the internet isn't going to ensure everyone knows you, but playing football might. Now the two are making jokes out of professional athletes.

3. Clint Maddox

He is known by many names, but the most common name associated with Clint Maddox is "Rubber" because everything bounces right off of him. Were you expecting "Mad" Maddox? No one has ever called him that, sorry. Not much is known about Clint's past other than he dropped out of college to play football after the Fantastic Four visited his university and gave an excellent lecture on the benefits of going for yours. Rumor has it that Clint gained his uncanny resiliency from shaking hands with Ben Grimm, perhaps better known by his nickname "Thing." I can finally confirm that my football team exists within the Marvel Universe. Clint Maddox travels the country's cities, looking for the biggest and baddest linemen to see if he can brush them off. He found them one day, along with several more players who would change his life.

4. Boss Meadows

Meadows used to be a security guard at the state prison until he resigned after failing to prevent an inmate from committing seppuku in his cell. Meadows pushed through the surrounding crowd as fast as he could, and he was making excellent time through the enormous crowd, but there simply wasn't enough time to save the troubled inmate before he took his own life. A now wayward Meadows, known informally by his beloved inmates as "Boss," tried to get his perceived failure off of his mind by enlisting in local street football games, because they're pretty popular in this city. His life changed forever when some hooligan jumped a fence during a pick-up game and Meadows was too slow to stop the rascal from making it to the endzone. Meadows beat himself up about it for the remainder of the game. As he was planning to head home and sob over a Hungry-Man dinner, Meadows was approached by the opposing QB Hurly Hefts, who commented on the way Meadows pushed through defenders faster than crap through a goose. Although he's just a humble farmer, Hefts was of the mind that some of the players on the field that day were better than half the boys on the television and should challenge the NFL to a showdown. With no job and no home, Meadows enlisted.

5. Player4

Player4 knows and is known for only one thing: No one gets past Player4. Despite his average size and empty demeanor, Player4 stunned everyone when he managed to hold his own and sack QBs in the local pick-up circuit. On offense he is immovable. On defense, unstoppable. He's been compared to a human tractor-trailer, but no one is really sure if Player4 is human, especially because of the bar code on his left hand. Well, one person might know, but he's sworn to keep it a secret. This mysterious fellow earned his name after a neighborhood baller realized the bar code, which read "PLR4," could be pronounced more easily as "Player4." When he's off the field, Player4 is in sleep mode or trying to figure out if he can love.

6. Benny The Lad

An intern at the local tech conglomerate Walter Robotics, Benny is the best intern you could ask for. He's friendly, he's funny, he's dedicated and highly intelligent. A tech genius even! When he's not intercepting emails from rival tech companies, he spends his lunch breaks intercepting footballs in local pick-up games. Hurly Hefts threw several interceptions caught by Benny, provoking him to recruit the lad for some kind of suicide squad. When Benny met Player4, he noticed the bar code and knew instantly that this was the escaped Walter Robotics prototype he had read about in an intercepted encrypted email. Not wanting to call attention to Player4's lack of organs, Benny kept his beautiful mouth shut when Hefts asked if he and the Player4 had the guts to join his new team.

7. Chester Tunkley

When you think of Chester Tunkley, the first thing that should come to your mind is protein powder and then fear. Chester is a shredded DL who is known throughout the city for his ability cut through linemen like fingertips through Great Value toilet paper. Tunkley finally met his match going up against Player4 in the historic pick-up game where these seven players met each other. Try as he might, Tunkley couldn't make it past Player4, but Player4 also couldn't move beyond Tunkley, which up until now had never been seen before. After the game, Tunkley jokingly told Hurly Hefts that his pass to Dean Jouste was technically an interception because Dean jumped over a fence and wasn't even playing. Hefts jokingly told Tunkley that he technically had no room to talk because he had couldn't get past the visibly scrawny Player4. Tunkley knew if he couldn't beat them, he might as well join them.

Hefts rounded up the squad after the game and explained that they could definitely go toe-to-toe with the NFL if they wanted to. Benny emailed the NFL, telling the league that the 32 teams were some butt and they could handle them all no problem. The NFL was interested in this development and decided to put the next season on hold until this trash talk was taken out. Proud of their ability to "freeze" an entire athletic operation, the fellas agreed on the team name "Ice Age 2." The "2" is there because it's funnier than no number.

So that's my team. And that's Street Week, folks. It's been a supreme pleasure. Maybe someday I'll figure out if I have what it takes to join the professionals with this writing thing, but I guess NFL Street doesn't have much presence on the internet. Wait, what am I saying? I am the NFL Street presence on the internet.