Isn't it funny?

How there is apersonappointedtodecide the fate of others. Someone who determines the placement of guilt. The level of immorality reached, and at what point it becomes punishable by law.

Isn't it funny how one person, or even a group of people, who don't know you at all, could alter the course of the rest of your life?

On October 27 of 2017, I was sexually assaulted by a man in my dorm room.

And on April 20 of 2018, a group of board members from the University was given the ability to decide whether or not I had the right to receive justice.

None of them were in my room that night.

None of them woke up the next morning in my bed to discover a man lying next to them with no recollection of how or why he was there.

None of them raced to the bathroom, clutching their stomachs, tears in their eyes as they realized what had happened.

Yet they are the ones who are deciding what really happened that night.

They are the ones judging which testimonies are viable.

They are the ones determining whether or not my safety and peace of mind are important enough to pursue this case.

And how is that supposed to make me feel?

To know that there is a possibility that I may never receive justice for having my body taken advantage of.

To know that even though I am emotionally, mentally and physically scarred, he could still walk away from this unscathed.

All because the people in that courtroom on the morning of April 20 were not the girl in that bedroom the night of October 27.

I realized all of this as I sat before them that Friday morning.

As I testified. As each witness took the stand. As every question was posed and then answered.

I realized as I sat there and fought for myself. For my right. For the rights of other girls everywhere, so that this didn't have to happen to one of them next.

I realized that no matter what I said or what he said or what anyone said, no matter how much evidence to support my case, it all came down to what *that* group of people decided.

This set of strangers, with no real understanding of what went down that night or how much it took from me that I will NEVER be able to get back, those were the people I was relying on to resolve the matter.

While already being plagued with the stress and the grief that the trial itself causes, now having to rely so heavily on these people who are so impartial was like allowing myself to be just as vulnerable as I was the night I was attacked.