A fog set over the city. She finds that waking up and watching it become gradually denser and denser gives one a sense of empowerment and control over the outside world within the comforts of one's own home. Maybe it's because one realizes that fault doesn't lay solely with oneself; that, every now and then, it's natural to feel lesser.
The cityscapes became hidden, the long, winding road blurred. The trees, lacking their canopies, seemed broken.
The sun, shying away behind the clouds, hasn't shone its rays in days. Some don't mind it, because the dull and gloomy weather parallels their dull and gloomy feelings.
The sun eventually did come up today, though. The fog lifted. Her room became bright. Too bright, even. She grew tired of the pleasantness, as dismal as that may sound.
Though it might have been an uneventful day, knowing an eventful day would mean chaos, she's grateful.
She made her way down to the café down the street, looking for an atmosphere that forces her to work, rather than sitting unproductively in her all too bright room.
Once outside, she welcomed the cool air, the gentle breeze, the rustling of the leaves, the need for a jacket. She missed it.
She walked into the café, its warm air unexpected yet pleasant. Chatter filled the air and formalities went awry, comfort becoming one's primary concern.
She took a seat in the back, a spot in which she was able to immerse herself in others' interactions from afar. It was calming, peaceful, heart-warming. She saw friendly faces, old faces, young faces. She indulged herself in the warmth, the action. Maybe it was because she'd like to experience a different way to live.
Maybe it was because she'd always wanted a change.
But that "change" is short lived. Because each time, it always ends in the same, predictable outcome – she leaves and go back home, where she finds herself stuck back in her dismal state; where she finds herself without that warmth and others' interactions into which she would immerse herself; where she looks in the mirror, disappointed.
After some time, however, she realizes.
She realizes that she doesn't need to be another person to experience a different way to live, to go through a change. She realizes that she has to take risks, to not be scared of remorse, of guilt, or of missing.
She realizes that when she feels it's time for a change, she needs to make a change.
She realizes that she needs to take advantage of any opportunity she gets to alter her lifestyle and know not to look back. She realizes that she needs to look forward, to pray for the best, and to detach herself from any arising feelings of remorse or fear.
She realizes that she needs to be selfish. Because if she knows it is the only best choice for her to get better; if she knows that an exciting, healthy, fresh, new change is what she needs, then she needs to take it.
She realizes that she needs to embrace it. She realizes that she needs to give it her all.
As practical as it might be to "have both feet on the ground", is it really worth giving up your stability? Stability within yourself comes with satisfaction, with a feeling of purpose. And, if you aren't satisfied with where you are or what you're doing, if you lose that stability within yourself, what use does having both feet on the ground when you're inches away from crashing down on the concrete?
So, if you've always wanted a change; if you find yourself stuck and dismal; if you need to give it your all as well… after some time, you'll realize too.