There exists a dangerous trend that many of us have learned to accept, and even apply to our own lives: the victim complex. Think about it; every situation has a victim, and this victim becomes a product of their situation.

We continuously choose to recognize the victim as weak, or maybe fragile, in order to justify what happened to them. This is harming the individuals in our society by implying that it’s okay to let pain and anger consume their lives.

Here’s a basic breakdown: victims remain victims, separating them from the rest of the world. Those who cannot relate to their situation are treated to recognize the victims, while the victims are expected to accept their situation and teach others about what it’s like to be a victim.

Basically, I view our society as continuously advertising the benefits of being a victim; you get to relate to other victims, you use your stories in order to teach others what it’s like to be a victim, you may use your position as a victim to your advantage. However, here lies the central problem: we promote being a victim instead of growing past the crippling pain.

It’s important to remember that analyzing this dilemma without being considered offensive against those who are, in fact, victims of a situation, is extremely difficult. Stepping back and looking at the big picture from the perspective of a simple observer is the key to really thinking about this victim complex.

Allowing any emotional reactions to get in the way can completely ruin this entire argument. I know it’s difficult to have this kind of “deadpan” view, but let’s all give it a shot.

So, we see this victimization occurring all the time. Parents use it with their children, minorities use to it rally support, married couples use it against each other to balance out favors or work; the list goes on and on.

Basically, we do not empower nearly as much as we think we do. An example is a relatively recent influx of “body empowerment” campaigns. These campaigns aim to attract those who have been the victims of body shaming, as well as those who simply feel out of place within their own skin.

However, even though the message is to empower people, all these campaigns are based on one thing: what it’s like to be a victim.

Let’s analyze this from a different perspective: becoming the victim of a situation has become a very important coping mechanism for the harshness of reality. We have nearly all been taught that instead of dealing with a problem head-on and on our own, finding a group that relates to our problem will yield greater survival.

Sadly, I believe this has made us weak. We depend on others to understand us before we can feel empowered enough to learn from ourown experience.

Think about that social group in which you could be placed. Groups can relate to race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, likes/dislikes, desired professions, etc. I guarantee that nearly every group, no matter how diverse or individualistic it may be, has undergone judgment from other groups, therefore making it the victim of its social structure.

That being said, another way to look at this is that the victim complex works to attract misfits into a group where everyone shares the same problems.

Some basis of survival has become all about finding something in which we can be victimized for and using this to make us seem more experienced or desirable because WE have gone through pain. The fact of the matter is, reality is hard!LIFE is hard! We can only sympathize for so long before it becomes harmful to those which who we sympathize for.

Everyone should want to be treated equally, right? This means listening to and understanding any strifes that one has gone through, but after this, letting it be known that this does not define the person.

Being an individual means working through one’s problems on their own, accepting that shit happens, and after that, more shit happens, and the cycle goes on. Only we can fix ourselves; nobody else, or no other group, can automatically make it better.

Embrace the pain. Learn to live with it, and use it to make you stronger. I have lost loved ones. I have seen abuse. I have been bullied, teased, and targeted. But guess what? I don't advertise these things because these experiences belong to me and I trust myself to be okay with it. It’s possible that this has turned me into a more cynical, placid person when it comes to emotional struggles. I deal with pain in a more factual way, and try and apply my experiences to improve my future.

Of course, I break down and cry sometimes. I get hurt, and I reach out for help. I believe the key to dodging this harmful “victim persona” isn’t in ignoring emotions, but instead, it’s recognizing them in a deeply personal way and not allowing others to become an audience for your pain.

For those who are not victims, do the victims a favor. Don’t make their pain the center of the conversation. Don’t only see a person for the pain they’ve gone through, or the struggles they have faced.

Work on really understanding each person you meet and ignoring the stereotype of their victim persona. Tell people that “yeah, it sucks what you’ve been through!” but advise them that now, it’s time to move onto bigger and better things.

Let’s cut the drama, and work on improving. Let’s teach people not to call desperately for help, but instead to trust in themselves that any intense pain is temporary, and living a full and beautiful life is possible. We can all remain composed in the face of struggle, because we are survivors.