Please Stop Romanticizing Military Relationships

Please Stop Romanticizing Military Relationships

If you're in it for the ball or the homecoming pictures you're in it for the wrong reasons.
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Growing up I always swore I'd never date or marry into the Army. Coming from a military family I was honestly turned off too it. While I'm extremely thankful for those who serve I knew how hard it was constantly saying goodbye to those I love for deployments and watching my family move from base to base ever few years. But here I am dating a soldier stationed states away. While I'm extremely proud of my boyfriend I find myself constantly rolling my eyes at girls who gushing over servicemen and asking if he has any cute friends on base. I know most of them mean well but some people are living in a dream world.

"I wish I was dating someone military just to get pictures taken in uniform and make cute homecoming pictures."

"The only reason I'm talking to him is because I want him to take me to the ball with him."

I wish that I was kidding when I say that I've heard these things be said and seriously meant but I'm not.

Please, from someone in one and who grew up around them, stop romanticizing military relationships. They aren't always easy, they aren't always fun. They aren't all cute pictures and fancy dresses at the ball. Honestly, sometimes it sucks. I wouldn't trade my relationship for anything in the world but we'll both admit this sucks sometimes. Sometimes you have to say goodbye to your best friends for months at a time. While your peers are going out to dinner or movies your versions of dates are video chats and phone calls. Sometimes you might not even get a phone call, you might just get a letter every few weeks if you're lucky.

While my friends are saving for plane tickets to the beach for spring break, I'm saving up for a hotel room near base just to spend a few days with my favorite person. When they're going out on a Thursday, I'm laying in bed on Skype because it's one of the nights we're both free. To make a relationship like this work takes work and sacrafice from both sides, it doesn't just happen on its own. It's being there through thick and thin, good and bad, homecomings and deployments.

If you're going to involve yourself with someone in the service, know what you're getting yourself into. If you're just in it for the pictures or the ball you're in it for the wrong reasons. If you're in for the person then be ready to put in the work. While it may be hard, it may just end up being the start of the rest of your life.

Cover Image Credit: Credit Alyssa Troiano

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9 Ways To Get A Writer To Fall For You, Take Notes

The ultimate guide for that writer in your life.
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Writers are interesting people. When looking for a special person to have in their lives, there are certain qualities that stand out to them. The little things you do could mean a lot to a writer.

1. Text in complete sentences

While finishing each other's sentences would be a huge plus, all you really have to worry about is finishing your own. It doesn't have to be in MLA format or anything!

2. Use proper grammar

Knowing the correct their/there/they're and your/you're is super attractive to writers. And for most, it may actually be a deal-breaker.

3. Bring them coffee

Who knows when inspiration could strike. If it's late and they're awake writing, coffee will make them fall in love with you.

4. Read what they write

Tell them you want to read their content and let them know you like it. There is no better way to get to a writer's heart.

5. Don't judge them for what they're not doing so they can write

They don't want to go out because they have a deadline? Laundry is long overdue because they have an idea for an article? They haven't slept in three days writing something detrimental? It's all fine! Don't judge!

6. Don't tell them they're wasting their time

Whether they are writing for fun, because they want a career writing, or their career is writing, do not tell them they are wasting their time. It is obviously important to them and they are passionate about it, so let them enjoy themselves.

7. Leave them alone right before deadline

I'm sure the writer you're pursuing loves having your attention... maybe just not the day before or of a deadline. They get stressed and you probably don't want to be near any of that anyway.

8. If they have anything published, share it with the entire world

There is no better way to show your support than to share a writer's content. It says, "I care about this person and I care about what they have to say." Their heart is guaranteed to be yours if you help their voice be heard.

9. Don't get overwhelmed by all the words they throw at you

Writers are just wordy people. They have a lot to say all the time. Don't take it as them being extra, embrace the fact that they want to tell you everything they're thinking.

Cover Image Credit: Lovianna Blackwell

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How My Mental Health Affects My Love Life

This is for the boy who told me I didn't have it put together.
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In light of Valentine's Day, I've been thinking about my own (nonexistent) love life. Now, when I say nonexistent, I mean it wholeheartedly. I'm the girl my guy friends turn to and ask "You got any single friends?" Without fail, my answer is "No, I am the single friend."

I come from a very conservative Christian background and many of the people I know got married fairly young. A decent number of my friends from church are either engaged, married, or expecting. It's not that you're expected to get married young, but oftentimes that's how it ends up happening. Men will return from their mission and be engaged or married within a year. So as a nineteen year old who has never been in a serious relationship, I feel like I'm falling behind.

I've been in exactly one (one month long) relationship in my life, which is what inspired me to write this article. When the boy in question was breaking up with me, he made a point of telling me that I "don't have everything put together." Needless to say, that did not go over well with me at all.

First of all, NO ONE has everything put together. We try to act like we do, but in reality we're all struggling in our own ways. It's what makes us human.

Second of all, who was he to tell me that I don't have everything put together? Granted, I don't have everything put together, but it still was not his place to make that judgement. I'm the only one who can decide if I have it "put together." This statement of his particularly set me off because I may still be struggling, but I'm doing significantly better than I was a year ago.

As someone with bipolar disorder, I have major reservations when it comes to dating. I tend to form emotional attachments rather quickly, which can sometimes get me into trouble. Like I said, I've only been in one official "relationship" before, but it's not the only time I've ever come close to dating someone. I've "talked to" (for lack of a better word, I hate that phrase) a few boys, only to be ghosted or led on. It's become something of a pattern in my life and let me tell you, it doesn't feel good.

When I get ghosted, or when a guy leads me on for a while only to tell me he's not interested or whatever his excuse is, I start doubting myself. What makes me so undatable? Am I not attractive/smart/funny enough? No, it's probably the bipolar disorder. That, plus my anxiety and constant need for reassurance.

I begin to worry that it's because I'm too needy, too "moody," too much to handle. I shut myself off to people because I assume that that's how things are going to end--with them finding some flaw, some deal breaker, and deciding that it's not worth the effort of being with me. I get so scared that my mental health will be a deal breaker. But why should that be the case?

Answer: it shouldn't. No one should have those doubts about themself, especially over things that can't necessarily be controlled. I can't control the fact that I have anxiety and bipolar disorder, just like people can't control their height or their eye color. It would be stupid not to date someone because they have blue eyes and you want someone with green eyes, would it not? So why miss out on dating an amazing person just because they struggle with their mental health?

Just because someone is struggling with something that you don't understand doesn't mean that they're not worth your time. Take the time to understand them, love them, and appreciate them, even if it seems like you're taking a risk. Who knows? It could be the best risk you'll ever take.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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