Please Stop Romanticizing Military Relationships

Please Stop Romanticizing Military Relationships

If you're in it for the ball or the homecoming pictures you're in it for the wrong reasons.
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Growing up I always swore I'd never date or marry into the Army. Coming from a military family I was honestly turned off too it. While I'm extremely thankful for those who serve I knew how hard it was constantly saying goodbye to those I love for deployments and watching my family move from base to base ever few years. But here I am dating a soldier stationed states away. While I'm extremely proud of my boyfriend I find myself constantly rolling my eyes at girls who gushing over servicemen and asking if he has any cute friends on base. I know most of them mean well but some people are living in a dream world.

"I wish I was dating someone military just to get pictures taken in uniform and make cute homecoming pictures."

"The only reason I'm talking to him is because I want him to take me to the ball with him."

I wish that I was kidding when I say that I've heard these things be said and seriously meant but I'm not.

Please, from someone in one and who grew up around them, stop romanticizing military relationships. They aren't always easy, they aren't always fun. They aren't all cute pictures and fancy dresses at the ball. Honestly, sometimes it sucks. I wouldn't trade my relationship for anything in the world but we'll both admit this sucks sometimes. Sometimes you have to say goodbye to your best friends for months at a time. While your peers are going out to dinner or movies your versions of dates are video chats and phone calls. Sometimes you might not even get a phone call, you might just get a letter every few weeks if you're lucky.

While my friends are saving for plane tickets to the beach for spring break, I'm saving up for a hotel room near base just to spend a few days with my favorite person. When they're going out on a Thursday, I'm laying in bed on Skype because it's one of the nights we're both free. To make a relationship like this work takes work and sacrafice from both sides, it doesn't just happen on its own. It's being there through thick and thin, good and bad, homecomings and deployments.

If you're going to involve yourself with someone in the service, know what you're getting yourself into. If you're just in it for the pictures or the ball you're in it for the wrong reasons. If you're in for the person then be ready to put in the work. While it may be hard, it may just end up being the start of the rest of your life.

Cover Image Credit: Credit Alyssa Troiano

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17 Fall Dates Your Girlfriend Hopes You Have Already Planned

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1. Going to the Pumpkin Patch

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3. Apple Picking

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Dear Employers, You Should Not Change Your Employees' Schedules The Week-Of

It's highly inconvenient and completely disrespectful to change someone's schedule last minute without even inquiring about availability and employers should stop this.

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Depending on the job environment, you may or may not relate to having your schedule consistently change. Full-time jobs don't vary as much as part-time jobs do when it comes to scheduling so people with "9 to 5's" don't see this affect them as often, but at least in my own experience, I've had this happen to me quite often.

Don't get me wrong, I actually don't mind getting more hours as long as I'm asked, but there's something to be said when a day in your schedule is changed two days before it occurs. For example, one day I was expected to come into my job at 1 p.m. (I had double checked the night before), but when I arrived, I saw that my time of arrival was put for 11 a.m. instead.

Upon inquiring with my supervisor about this, she said that my manager needed more coverage and that same day at 9 in the morning, he changed my schedule hoping I would see this change and come in at the new time. Of course they did not blame me for not coming in at the time, but still, what if I had seen it? Should I still have come in at that new hour? No. No, I should not.

Changing someone's schedule like that without so much as asking me or thinking of the inconvenience of doing it is not only disrespectful but unprofessional as well.

Here's my peeve with all this: why create schedules so far in advance if you are not going to follow them? I understand that people call out and circumstances do arrive when schedule changes are needed. In the scenario of simply changing a schedule just because you feel a little bit more coverage is better, doing it a week in advance is already pushing it, but at least the person will still have a week to rearrange possible plans already made.

When you edit an agenda with a day, two days, or even less than a week of time in advance, it can seriously inconvenience people who schedule around what has already been established. Let's look at college students who have class, work, and extracurricular activities — they thrive on knowing what free time is available to book in their friends and free time. Sometimes that additional time isn't even used for free time, but rather to pencil in when to work on other necessary tasks.

If jobs are beginning to eliminate "on-call" days of work, then doing last-minute schedule changes should also be stopped. On call refers to when workers (normally in retail jobs) are not automatically scheduled to work and are not getting paid to work unless the job deems the workday busy and requires that person labeled as on-call on their schedule to come in.

The problem with this is that half of the time, that worker won't be needed and so they spent the entire day inconvenienced, unpaid, staying at home waiting for a call that may or may not come and not being able to schedule any errands or plans for fear of getting called in. This system is slowly being eliminated because it has been deemed as unfair to the workers.

Similarly, I argue that these changes to schedules without a decent amount of time in advance to prepare should also be eliminated and punished if attempted. Workers are not slaves. We are not at the beck and call of our employers simply because they see it that way. We require notice and the respect of being treated as an equal.

It's time employers begin to realize the worth of one's time, because it IS valuable.

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