A few days ago I listened to a newly broken up friend claim how she was going to take the next six months to focus on being single, it was like a flash back to the same naive me ten months ago when I made this same statement. I never understood why people were highly against this until I realized, when you set deadlines for your time of singleness you are only hurting yourself in the long run. You are not letting your heart accept the blessing in disguise and more than likely you always have someone on the back burner waiting for that six month timer to go off. If you even make it to that set goal is rare a miracle in itself.
All these thoughts crossed my mind when I told the majority of my friends about my newly found revelation knowing I probably would never make it, but it sounded wise at the moment. I remember congratulating myself as every month went by and I soon realized I needed to stop aiming for a deadline. The realization that no one would ever be my boyfriend material when my heart is the wrong place, this time was not about aiming for the next relationship, but more about living in the moment.
This is a time of growth and finding yourself, it may be a struggle at times, but it is worth it in the end. Life is so much better enjoying just being you than being in the wrong relationship. Stop searching and I mean that! I can't advocate this enough because as much as God can give he also takes away. I love being in a relationship just as much as anyone. I enjoy being someone's person and loving someone with my whole heart through my acts of service, but sometimes when you are struggling at it there is definitely a sign to take a break. We can all improve ourselves for our future relationships and that is exactly what being single allows you to do. Striving to be the best version of you, which is usually not possible during a relationship if you rely so much on the other person like I did. Most importantly, you get your priorities straight, like desiring nothing less than a Godly relationship in the future.
You may have bounced back from the break ups really easy, yet the pain always rebounds later on and the mask of happiness sometimes fades late at night. Jumping into another relationship to cover up the hurt is NOT the solution because that only puts a divide in your future relationships. Take time to mope because some days are the real struggle, especially when everyone around you seems to have the ideal relationship, but look around and realize the blessings you have during this time. You can do whatever your little heart desires and there is no one to worry about. You can hang out with your friends every night and never have to worry about the time you're missing out on with your significant other. The sense of freedom and power you get from being single is sometimes so empowering if you are not caught up in the downfalls of it. Your time will come, I promise even if you feel unworthy the right person will come along eventually.
This also applies to those who have ruled off relationships, completely because you are worthy of love. I know what it is like to feel like you have no more heart to give or strong enough to take the pain anymore. I promise it is not the end, just give your heart time to heal and your walls time to figure out who to let in. Bathe this pain in prayer and eventually when you get to that point of stop desiring it, is when God is going to lay this idea on your heart. When those feelings you didn't want start developing, don't spend weeks praying that it is a surreal dream because you are not ready to feel again like I did. You are worthy of love I know it sounds crazy because you have let God be that sense of everything for you, but he still has a special person to be your 21st century Boaz. Used to I could bounce back so quickly, but there are only some many times you can fix a bruised heart with a new love that you will never feel a sense of recovery. Although, if God wants it, he will continue to put this desire for this person back in your life until they wake up and realize it or you eventually have to admit it.
So all I can conclude this with is just give it time, which I know is literally so annoying to hear. We live in a world where we want everything now, but waiting is worth it when it comes to love.It'll be that person six months ago you would have laughed at the idea of desiring, but life is funny that way sometimes. Take the time to deeply know someone more than you ever thought you could on a surface level, then God's timing will work it's magic. The question is what is the right time God? I wish I knew the answers, all I know is follow his calling no matter where it may lead you. Expect the unexpected when it comes to the calling of the Lord.
“For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.”
Habakkuk 2:3