Lately, I've been realizing how often I apologize and how often times, these apologies are unnecessary. Whether it be simply because I bumped into someone accidentally or because someone is going through something I can't control and I want to show I care, the words "I'm sorry" seem to slip out of my mouth many times a day.
Now, before I get into this, I want to disclaim that I am by no means advocating against saying "I'm sorry". I think apologies are a very powerful and important part of life.
The ability to recognize you have done something wrong and then own up to that through an apology is such a beautiful thing.
However, I'm here to talk about all the times we say sorry when maybe, we really don't need to be.
As I mentioned before, I say "I'm sorry" often. I think it may be a defense mechanism, or a habit I have formed in an attempt to please others.
When we apologize for things we don't need to, the apology does not come from a place of strength and recognition of our own falsehood, it comes from a place of carelessness and desire to be seen as worthy.
It may seem nitpicky to want to end all the random times that I say sorry. You may be wondering if they even matter. Yet over-apologizing for little things sets a precedent for the bigger things in life. Yes, the habit may start out small, but you may find it extending into greater aspects of your life, as any other habit does.
In this case, the countless "I'm sorry's" affect my ability to take full ownership of who I am as a person.
Over-apologizing may not always come in the form of the words themselves, we can express these over-apologies in our mannerisms and the way we present ourselves.
For the past two weeks, I have had the pleasure of being a TA at a vocal camp. When the campers went up to sing their solos, a a lot of times I could see them shying away from their full potential.
Often times, over-apology comes in the form of anticipating that if we are fully ourselves, others will not accept us. With this mindset, we both overcompensate and shy away from bringing our fullest selves to what we do.
We all need to stop apologizing for the people we are because the world deserves to see us in our purest forms.
Thinking about how my over-apologizing affects my lifestyle, I have set off to try one week of only saying sorry when it is completely necessary, only apologizing when something I do warrants one.
This will not be easy, as saying "I'm sorry" is almost instinctual at this point. However, to help me on this journey I turn to a quote that has popped up on my Pinterest feed time and time again:
Lately I've been replacing my 'I'm sorry's' with 'thank you's'. Instead of 'sorry I'm late', I'll say 'thanks for waiting for me', or instead of 'sorry for being such a mess', I'll say 'thank you for loving me and caring about me unconditionally ' and it's not only shifted the way I think and feel about myself but also improved my relationships with others who now get to receive my gratitude instead of my negativity.
What would your life look life if you turned your sorry's into thank you's?
I urge you all to think about all the apologies in your life, both the ones you speak aloud and the ones you hold your heart, and consider whether a shift to gratitude is one you're willing to make.
We need to take full ownership for our actions yes, but apologies are not always the answer. Next time you find yourself about to apologize for something little, ask yourself, is there a way to express my emotion with gratitude instead?
Here's to shifting our mindset and letting go of the need to explain our actions with an "I'm sorry".
Talk soon,
Sam