Stop Living In "If/Then" Mode

Stop Living In "If/Then" Mode

The present moment is the greatest present of all.

As humans, it seem as though we are more preoccupied with the past and future than the present moment. Whether we're wishing we had that old relationship, wondering if we will ever get that new relationship, or doing everything in our power to create a life that we used to have, we absolutely neglect the life that is staring us right in the face waiting to be lived. We're constantly asking "what if" and stressing over "if this would have happened then this could have been the outcome." Well, you know what? It didn't happen so the outcome wasn't even a possibility. Everything happens for a reason much bigger than us, for reasons we may never know, but we must have faith that the road we have chosen to take has led us to the right places, at the right times, to the right people, to transform us into the humans we are meant to be.

A wise birdie once told me, "I don't think about the past." Seems like such a simple statement, right? So why is it so damn difficult? It's like no matter what we do we can't escape our thoughts about what once was, or what could have, should have, or would have been. Of course, the past is full of beautiful memories that should be held onto ever so tightly, but living your life in the past is no way to truly delve head first into an incredible life.

When we stop living in "If/Then" mode, it's amazing how quickly our lives can begin to transform. We're happier. We smile more. We laugh more. We look forward to more. We're more optimistic. We are able to enjoy the present moment, fully and completely. If you met a new person that you really connect with and enjoy spending time with, don't ruin those feelings by getting stuck on the last person you really connected with, or the person next year you might really connect with. You have to take a step back and think, "Now, what would thinking about these things really do for me?" The answer is almost always going to be, "Oh, yeah ... Nothing!"

When we live in the present moment, we are able to thoroughly enjoy this life that we have been so graciously given. Not everyone gets the opportunity to live in a wonderful place full of wonderful people with a pretty decent life. When we stop stressing over the things, people, and experiences that we don't have or could have had, we start to see life in a whole new light and appreciate things more than we ever thought possible.

We're going to have a past and a future; every single day we live pushes one day further into the past and propels us one day further into the future. Our past and future are part of who we are, they have helped mold us in every way, however they do not have to control our present moment.

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To The Girl Struggling With Her Body Image

It's not about the size of your jeans, but the size of your heart, soul, and spirit.


To the girl struggling with her body image,

You are more than the number on the scale. You are more than the number on your jeans and dresses. You are way more than the number of pounds you've gained or lost in whatever amount of time.

Weight is defined as the quantity of matter contained by a body or object. Weight does not define your self-worth, ambition or potential.

So many girls strive for validation through the various numbers associated with body image and it's really so sad seeing such beautiful, incredible women become discouraged over a few numbers that don't measure anything of true significance.

Yes, it is important to live a healthy lifestyle. Yes, it is important to take care of yourself. However, taking care of yourself includes your mental health as well. Neglecting either your mental or physical health will inflict problems on the other. It's very easy to get caught up in the idea that you're too heavy or too thin, which results in you possibly mistreating your body in some way.

Your body is your special, beautiful temple. It harbors all of your thoughts, feelings, characteristics, and ideas. Without it, you wouldn't be you. If you so wish to change it in a healthy way, then, by all means, go ahead. With that being said, don't make changes to impress or please someone else. You are the only person who is in charge of your body. No one else has the right to tell you whether or not your body is good enough. If you don't satisfy their standards, then you don't need that sort of negative influence in your life. That sort of manipulation and control is extremely unhealthy in its own regard.

Do not hold back on things you love or want to do because of how you interpret your body. You are enough. You are more than enough. You are more than your exterior. You are your inner being, your spirit. A smile and confidence are the most beautiful things you can wear.

It's not about the size of your jeans. It's about the size of your mind and heart. Embrace your body, observe and adore every curve, bone and stretch mark. Wear what makes you feel happy and comfortable in your own skin. Do your hair and makeup (or don't do either) to your heart's desire. Wear the crop top you've been eyeing up in that store window. Want a bikini body? Put a bikini on your body, simple.

So, as hard as it may seem sometimes, understand that the number on the scale doesn't measure the amount or significance of your contributions to this world. Just because that dress doesn't fit you like you had hoped doesn't mean that you're any less of a person.

Love your body, and your body will love you right back.

Cover Image Credit: Lauren Margliotti

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In Real Life, 'Plus Size' Means A Size 16 And Up, Not Just Women Who Are Size 8's With Big Breasts

The media needs to understand this, and give recognition to actual plus-size women.


Recently, a British reality dating TV show called "Love Island" introduced that a plus-sized model would be in the season five lineup of contestants. This decision was made after the show was called out for not having enough diversity in its contestants. However, the internet was quick to point out that this "plus-size model" is not an accurate representation of the plus-size community.

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Anna Vakili, plus-size model and "Love Island "Season 5 Contestant Yahoo UK News

It is so frustrating that the media picks and chooses women that are the "ideal" version of plus sized. In the fashion world, plus-size starts at size 8. EIGHT. In real life, plus-size women are women who are size 16 and up. Plunkett Research, a marketing research company, estimated in 2018 that 68% of women in America wear a size 16 to 18. This is a vast difference to what we are being told by the media. Just because a woman is curvy and has big breasts, does NOT mean that they are plus size. Marketing teams for television shows, magazines, and other forms of media need to realize that the industry's idea of plus size is not proportionate to reality.

I am all for inclusion, but I also recognize that in order for inclusion to actually happen, it needs to be accurate.

"Love Island" is not the only culprit of being unrealistic in woman's sizes, and I don't fully blame them for this choice. I think this is a perfect example of the unrealistic expectations that our society puts on women. When the media tells the world that expectations are vastly different from reality, it causes women to internalize that message and compare themselves to these unrealistic standards.

By bringing the truth to the public, it allows women to know that they should not compare themselves and feel bad about themselves. Everyone is beautiful. Picking and choosing the "ideal" woman or the "ideal" plus-size woman is completely deceitful. We as a society need to do better.

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