Between heavy breaths and Eminem's new album blasting in my ears, I see a man approaching the elliptical. I try to slow my pulse, wipe the dripping sweat off my red face, and take out an earbud. I assume he's trying to ask a question, suggest a workout, or anything other than what he's about to say—"your spandex looks great." I'm too tired to even respond. I give him a thumbs up while I take a minute to recover. I put my earbud in and blast angrier rap to compensate for the annoyance. Did he really just interrupt my workout to hit on me?

After my workout, I walk to the locker room, witnessing girls, who are clearly not breaking a sweat, "stretch" on the mat. They have their hair down, half-naked, and rocking false eyelashes. They look absolutely flawless as they stand up immediately to greet some guys who finished their basketball practice, hand extended for a handshake.

I know it's a thing to meet people at the gym, I wasn't born yesterday, but how did this become a thing? Better question: why did this become a thing?

People get so aggressive about it, it's like watching real life Tinder. I try not to be judgemental, really I do. But it's kind of hard to when I'm on the brink of hitting fifteen minutes on the Stairmaster and see Jessica and Chad completely unscathed, exchanging numbers—both essentially half naked. Like, why not just go to a bar and do this?

I mean, you do you, but it's kind of gross. The gym is a cesspool of germs and unwanted bacteria. People groaning and yelling as they lift weights that are probably too light for them. Bodybuilders snorting pre-workout as if their lives depended on it with a protein shake gripped in hand; wearing tank tops that don't serve a purpose because they absolutely cover nothing. Yoga instructors preaching as they reach into their Lululemon backpacks for the pamphlet that "has all the benefits" of veganism. Why on earth are you trying to meet someone under these horrid circumstances? Now that I'm in the full swing of this rant, I have to know if people are wasting their gym memberships on this. Might as well get an EHarmony subscription at that point.

Because when I workout, I am only there to workout. I avoid eye contact, already know which machines I plan on using, and even set a timer so I know when to leave. Besides that, I go hard with weights and cardio; I get gross. My whole body is covered in sweat, I'm having a mild asthma attack with a face of determination that screams RBF. I use the gym for its original purpose and so do a lot of other people who are just trying to better their health. It's pretty annoying when you're in the zone and using working out as a therapeutic stress relief, only to be interrupted by people trying to get your number. Calm down, be normal and meet at a coffee shop or something.

So, if you are going to use the gym as a way to get hot and bothered, find the other people at LA Fitness that are clearly not hot and bothered by using the treadmill. I guarantee you'll find someone. Don't approach the person who is trying to not grab their inhaler between reps, approach the person who is literally posing in front of you.