I vividly remember the first time I ever dieted. I was 10 years old, and I wanted to fit more comfortably and attractively into a dress my cousin had picked for me to wear at her wedding. I didn't have long to transform myself into the image I had conjured up, so I knew I'd have to make drastic changes — fast.
As a quick-fix, I limited myself to 900 calories per day (I don't remember why that was the magic number.) and made a conscious effort to be more active for the next few weeks.
The dress fit perfectly on the wedding day, and so began my unhealthy relationship with food and exercise.
The periods of severe caloric restriction, often combined with impulsive exercise and intense guilt about, pretty much, anything I ate other than lettuce continued into high school and even college. It was a vicious cycle that left me feeling weak and frustrated.
I know I'm not the only one who has struggled with this because I hear similar stories from people all the time. But what I've realized is a seemingly common thread and, what I think, is a major hindrance to our success — misplaced motivation.
When your sole motivation for working out is to improve your appearance, it often has a lot to do with how you feel others perceive you. It's only natural to want to be attractive and present the best version of yourself to society. However, it's not a very sustainable motive.
There's always going to be something you can compare and be insecure about if you search hard enough. It's all about finding that deeper reason for making a lifestyle change.
It wasn't until, almost, a year ago that I began to recognize exercise as more than a tool to alter my physical appearance. And, with that realization, I was able to break the cycle that I'd felt trapped in for years.
Don't get me wrong. I still appreciate and am motivated by results. However, going to the gym is no longer a chore. And I've been able to replace restrictive eating with consciously fueling my body because my number one reason for doing both is no longer to look better in "that dress" or "those jeans."
Instead, after a long day, I run for my sanity, participate in yoga for relaxation, and do strength training because it makes me feel strong and confident. I exercise and eat a balanced diet because my future self will thank me. Not to mention, I currently need all the endorphins possible to make it through this last semester.
However, my biggest, most personal reason is that, at my lowest, I realized making a bomb playlist and going for a run made me feel 10 times better than popping an antidepressant. I didn't want to feel dependent.
To be clear, I'm not at all suggesting that taking medication makes you weak or that replacing it with an alternative will work for everyone. That's something very personal and dependent on individual needs, as well as something that needs to be discussed with your doctor before making any changes.
But that's my "why." And that's my challenge to anyone who is struggling to maintain a healthy life balance. Find your "why," and make it about more than your appearance.
Identifying your deeper reason will motivate you, sustain you, and allow you to experience the other benefits you desire along the way.