As I was scrolling through my favorite website (yes OK, I'm talking about Tumblr), I came across a post that said, "Stop checking up on them -- they're not checking up on you." Of course the moment I saw this, I did the exact opposite and went to go check up on someone who is not in my life anymore on social media who probably hasn't checked up on me. Granted, this is the first time in a few months I've checked up on them, but it got me to thinking.
I can think of, off the top of my head, four people who have impacted my life, some more then others, who I am no longer in contact with for whatever reason. All four of these people, I have, against my better judgment, "checked up on" on social media. Whether it's Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or Snapchat, I've taken time out of my day at some point and devoted it to, basically, stalking these people.
The emotions I got while snooping around with these particular people? Anger, fear, frustration, and regret -- not really the greatest emotions to be having. So why did I do it? Why was I obsessed with these people and their social media accounts? I really couldn't give you a real answer. It never caused positive emotions and it never made me feel better about myself. If anything, it made me relive the reasons I was not in contact with that person anymore and some of those reasons aren't pretty.
I know I can't be the only person who does this, there was a post on Tumblr about it with a significant amount of notes, so I know I'm not alone. Why do we do this? This isn't addressing the friend you had at the church you grew up at's Facebook account even though you haven't actually had a conversation with her years, but you're still interested and curious in what she's up to in life. This is addressing that person who you would probably avoid on the street if you passed them, the person who maybe broke your heart or you maybe broke theirs, the person who was just dragging you down and you finally decided to cut them loose. Why do we still check their Facebooks? There was a reason the relationship ended, so what are we doing still following their accounts? Especially when it never seems to create positive emotions.
While I haven't taken the advice I'm about to give you because my curiosity is bigger then Alice's while she traveled through Wonderland, if you have someone like that in your life, someone who you use to have a close relationship with and it ended poorly, delete them. Why are you still following them? Why are you still Facebook friends? Why risk seeing their posts on your feed?
I can say that I did this with one of these people, and it was so liberating, I stopped thinking about them, I stopped having to see them on my feeds, and it felt like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. It was amazing. The only way I would ever seen them was if I actively searched them out, but not seeing them on my feeds, I wasn't even thinking to search them.
Stop following the people in your life who were toxic, stop following the people who maybe you did have a healthy relationship with, but it ended negatively. Stop focusing on those people and start focusing on the people in your life who you actually care about and who actually care about you. In hindsight, stop looking up people on social media and actually go out of your way to ask them what they are up to, instead of just looking at their photos and posts, although that's a whole post for another time.