Let me start by explaining what a relationship gardener is. You meet someone and you have this fantastic connection--it could be romantic or platonic, I'm not picky here. But despite the initial connection, this person kind of sucks. Maybe it's their moral compass, maybe they are immature or maybe they just have no social skills and come off as rude. A relationship gardener tends to the sucky parts of this person and helps them grow. They help them go from a scraggly seedling to a beautiful blooming plant; a plant that everyone admires and appreciates. But at the end of the day you put tons of work into someone who, under all that growth, is still the same pile of dirt and roots that you were repelled by. So now you've gotten your hands dirty and invested into someone who may or may not choose you.

I think relationship gardening boils down to a strong sense of loyalty. You make this connection with someone so you consider them a friend and you pride yourself on always being there for your friends. You're the person everyone goes to, but at what cost to yourself? How many times have you dropped everything for someone, and then when you found yourself needing help you were all alone? You give and give to people and see little to no return. While you have a big heart, those aren't healthy friendships. You can't spend your whole life tending to a garden and letting your own house crumble. Your foundation and wellness needs to be a priority, and sometimes that means picking weeds even though they have the potential to become some pretty flowers.

A dandelion is a weed. Yes that stupid fuzzy puff of seeds we used to send off into the great wide open with all of our wishes is a freaking weed. Daisies, bluebells, forget-me-nots, foxgloves, and clovers, all weeds. They're so pretty but they're taking over a garden and suffocating what is good and bountiful. The same can go for people. They might be really fun, or really attractive, or just a great partying buddy, but they don't provide you with anything meaningful, and they take away from the things that can.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to help people grow as you grow, but recognize when you're helping someone grow who is reciprocating assistance in your growth, and when you're the one doing all the work in order to help someone else grow. You are under no obligation to give someone the best environment to be their best self; the world won't extend them the same courtesy and to make their path easy you are robbing them of the experience you get from failure.

Recognize when you're a relationship gardener, put down the pruning shears, take off the gloves, the cute gardening crocs and walk away. If the person is supposed to be in the garden that is your life they will be resilient enough to flourish and grow, if they are a temporary fixture, then like some flowers they will not survive more than a season. It's okay to mourn the loss of color in your life, but don't let seasonal change take away from your consistent thriving friends.