Stop Asking Newly Married Wives When They Are Having Children

Stop Asking Newly Married Wives When They Are Having Children

You are being incredibly rude.
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Can we please stop asking newly married wives when they are going to start having children? And for those of us who got married and did not want to waste our time with a long engagement, if we are only getting married because we are with child?

First of all, it does not matter how close you are; mother, sister, grandma, best friend since the age of 2, or in-law of all types. I'm sorry (not really), you are being incredibly rude.

What is it to you?

That's right, none of your damn business. When a husband and wife choose to have children, in whatever way they want, that is personal. Just for clarification, between those two. So maybe they don't want kids. That is their choice. So, stop grilling.

With being rude, you never know what a person's situation is. So, when you are not only prying for information that does not even pertain to you, you are more than likely making the newly married woman very uncomfortable, and/or you just made her very mad.

You do not know a person's situation.

A couple who just got married might not be ready to have kids, or maybe they just want to enjoy as many years as they want to themselves. Some couples just do not want kids. While some couples might want to adopt or be foster parents. Some couples might not be able to have children for medical reasons, so they might not have any or just adopt. All of this is personal.

Once again, not sorry here, it's rude to be asking.

Besides, why do we live in a world where everyone thinks people get married just to start popping out babies?

This is not the baby boomer time, where all women do is have babies. To me, it is not even feasible to be thinking this. I don't know what anyone would even think this is ok to think.

However it started, it needs to end, NOW.

Most people do not get married with only the thought of children. Marriage is about joining two people together who love each other unconditionally and wants to spend the rest of their lives together.

Never once, not even on TV, have I seen a wedding ceremony that mentioned the reason for getting married is to just have lots of babies starting as soon as the rings go on the fingers. While having children is usually mentioned, it is not the only goal. So, stop asking!

Honestly, why do people even think it is ok to ask? It is like asking why someone is fat. You are being rude. But I feel like the same people that ask about how soon you're having kids, asks why fat people are fat.

As I said before, family included, it is rude. It does not pertain to you.

While I am on it, it is also the same way with how many kids, the timing, the naming, if sharing the gender, or the way of going about it, literally, all of it does not pertain to you. So, butt out.

The second question. Stop asking us couples who didn't really want to waste our lives with an engagement, if we got (or are) getting married because we are pregnant. Again, how do you even find that ok to ask? Once again, none of your business, so keep your nose to yourself.

So here are your 'what ifs' with this one. All of which could very well be happening or happened to mind you.

What if the woman is?

What if she is and her husband doesn't know, or her family?

What if she is and she is having complications?

What if she is and has always been told she medically can't?

What if it is too early to tell people (yeah there is a too early to be for sure time)?

What if she was and she lost it?

Or hey, what if the couple got married because they did not feel like wasting 6 months plus just to get married because they are ready and sure of their love and everything else?

Once again, you never know what a person has going on, so when it is something as personal as pregnancy, stop asking. I'm sorry but if you ask a woman who was and just lost it, you are a terrible person.

Those people who ask these horribly rude questions are probably thinking, well I didn't know. Yes, that is true, you didn't know because it was none of your business to know about to start with, hints the whole don't ask.

Also, just another tip, if you ask once and get told no, stop asking the couple. There is no need to keep harassing them when you were given an answer, you're once again, being incredibly rude.

I don't understand why people these days just have to be nosey and know everything about someone.

Having children is a very personal subject, it is not like talking about the vacation you are planning. As for both questions listed, you are digging into a couple lives. It is no one's business no matter how close you are.

You do not know a person's situation. If a couple wants you to know something they will tell you. Chances are if you are as close as you think you are you will know and might have already had it hinted to you if you shut your mouth and open your ears.

So, leave us newlyweds alone. If you don't, stop thinking we are rude when we tell you off. Seriously we are sick of it, even the husbands. So, you better keep these questions away from them too. They get more upset than us wives.

Cover Image Credit: EMusselman Photography and Design

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A Letter To The Grandpas Who Left Far Too Soon

The thoughts of a girl who lost both of her grandpas too early.
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Dear Grandpa,

As I get older, my memories are starting to fade. I try to cling to every last bit of memory that I have of you. There are certain memories that have stuck well in my brain, and I probably will never forget them, at least I hope I don't. I remember your smile and your laugh. I can still remember how your voice sounded. I never want to forget that. I catch myself closing my eyes to try to remember it, playing your voice over and over in my head so that I can ingrain it in my memory.

I always thought you were invincible, incapable of leaving me. You were so young, and it caught us all by surprise. You were supposed to grow old, die of old age. You were not supposed to be taken away so soon. You were supposed to see me graduate high school and college, get married to the love my life, be there when my kids are born, and never ever leave.

My heart was broken when I heard the news. I don't think I had experienced a pain to that level in my entire life. At first, I was in denial, numb to the thought that you were gone. It wasn't until Thanksgiving, then Christmas, that I realized you weren't coming back. Holidays are not the same anymore. In fact, I almost dread them. They don't have that happy cheer in the air like they did when you were alive. There is a sadness that hangs in the air because we are all thinking silently how we wished you were there. I hope when I am older and have kids that some of that holiday spirit comes back.

You know what broke my heart the most though? It was seeing your child, my parent, cry uncontrollably. I watched them lose their dad, and I saw the pain that it caused. It scared me, Grandpa, because I don't ever want to lose them like how they lost you. I can't imagine a day without my mom or dad. I still see the pain that it causes and how it doesn't go away. There are good days and there are bad days. I always get upset when I see how close people are to their grandparents and that they get to see them all the time. I hope they realize how lucky they are and that they never take it for granted. I wish I could have seen you more so that I could have more memories to remember you by.

I know though that you are watching over me. That is where I find comfort in the loss. I know that one day I will get to see you again, and I can't wait for it. I hope I have made you proud. I hope that all that I have accomplished and will accomplish makes you smile from ear to ear. I hope that the person I marry is someone you would approve of. And I hope that my kids get more time with their grandpa than I did because the amount I got wasn't fair.

I want to say thank you for raising your child to be the best parent ever because they will one day be the best grandparent ever. Just like you.

Cover Image Credit: Katelyn McKinney

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To the Girl Fighting to Keep a "Friend"

Not all friends are worth fighting for.
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To the girl fighting to keep a friend,

It's unbelievable how many people come and go. You meet so many people in your life, but you never really know which ones will actually stay around. Even the people you once called your best friends may turn out to be just a chapter in your life.

How could you know that the person you once called your best friend, or a close friend, would turn out to be selfish and not care about you. Your friendship starts out fun and you are attached at the hip. As time goes on, they start putting you down. They laugh at your ideas, or they choose something, or someone, else over you. There have been way too many time where plans have been cancelled because something else came up. Sure, some reasons are okay and they have to cancel because of something, but 95% if the time, the reason wasn't a good one. They could have taken an hour of their time to spend it with you.

When you call them out on it, they put the blame on you.

There are a few of these "friends" though that you have gotten so close to that you don't wanna let them go. You keep apologizing, for things that weren't even your fault. They stop talking to you because of something that wasn't even your fault, so you decide to give them a little space. After a while, you try talking to them again, like nothing has changed. At first it is okay, but then something else happens and you stop talking again, or get into another argument over something stupid. You want to keep trying because you don't want to lose this person, this person you once called one of your best friends. But it's not worth it.

So I am going to leave you all with some of the advice that has been given to me over the past few months as I having been fighting for a friend that isn't worth fighting over.

" I know she was one of your best friends but she isn't acting like one now and from my experience it's not always worth it to keep fighting for someone who is fighting against you and not for you. Which sucks because you spent so much time and effort building a relationship that's getting thrown away because she can't grow up and accept some of the blame for this"

"Leave that shit where it belongs and focus on you for a little. You're always fixing other people and that takes a toll on your mental health."

"Don't forget all of the great times you guys had, keep those memories, but try and focus on the great things that are going to happen in the future too."

" You should just block her for now so that you can't keep trying to get her back because it's probably weighing you down and you should be relaxing and having fun because it's summer."

"You need to stand up for yourself."

"You need to stop letting her do that to you."

Believe me , it's hard to lose a friend you thought would be one of your bridesmaids, but you have to realize those toxic relationships and cut them out. Your true friends will stick by your side through everything. They will be the ones letting you make your own decisions and not forcing you to do something that you don't want to. They won't let a stupid little argument come between you. They may get mad about something, but they'll get over it quick. Your real friends will be the ones you trust with your life, the ones that support you and are honest with you. They don't lie or try to avoid the topic. Keep those true friends and get the negatives ones out. You'll be glad you did and you will be so much happier.

Sincerely,

A girl who just went through this and knows it's hard

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