Recently, I've been frustrated. I've been upset about the fact that no one really knows how smart I actually am. I'm constantly hiding under this mask of stupidity. This is because people tend to be offended by smart people. And THAT makes me angry.
At a young age, I realized that I didn't really get along with my peer group. I've always been more sophisticated, more intuitive, and more observative than my peers. I used to get bullied a lot for apparently liking myself too much because I knew the right answer. Or being obsessed with myself because I could solve the problem. I think a lot of that has to do with how I grew up. I've never been around kids, I don't know any babies, and my brothers are all my age or older. So I have a disconnect from my own age group.
My parents are much older, with an age gap of about 35-40 years. So naturally, they never sugar coated anything for me, and they never changed their vocabulary. I grew up knowing medical terminology and large words most my friends STILL don't know the meaning of.
This is troubling for me. It arises a lot, especially in social situations. If I know a fact or the answer to something that maybe my peer doesn't, I'm not allowed to correct them, because it's rude. I know there are ways to be right without being arrogant, but nowadays correcting anyone is considered wrong.
I'm not a know it all and I don't pretend to be, but I am smart, and most of the time, I know what I'm talking about. This gets me in trouble in group projects, especially a project where I know the right answer but half of the group doesn't agree. Then it's like "I told you so," but I can't say that anyway because it's also rude.
I just want to know, WHEN CAN I STOP APOLOGIZING FOR BEING SMART??
Why do I have to pretend to not know the answer so people will feel better about themselves? You know how crappy it makes me feel that I'm not allowed to let people know I'm smart? I have to dumb myself down so people won't feel inferior to me even though I know the right answer, or I have a better solution.
Everyone is so sensitive today, that a differing opinion is insulting. I'd say, "grow up," but that's apparently offensive.
It does hurt having to pretend all of the time that I'm not as smart as I am because if I do show it? I become a brat, or prissy, or my favorite, "obsessed with myself." I'll tell you what, I didn't ask to be smart. I feel like an outcast in every social situation, on every date, in every friendship. I'm constantly afraid I'm offending someone for knowing what I know.
This is a huge problem with men too. In college I find that Chad from DTD knows a lot about 2 things:
1. Sex
2. Alcohol
And I can't relate.
I know a lot about a lot of things, mostly because I've grown up that way and also because I love learning. I pride myself on my knowledge of things a lot of people have never heard of. Or, my friends not knowing a vocabulary word I throw out. But why does that make me a bitch?
I'm going to stop pretending I'm not, smart or cultured. I'm done pretending I'm an idiot as to not offend someone. I think the problem is that not enough people care about what's going on around them, or about learning.
I'm not one of those people and I'm proud of it. I'm done apologizing for being smarter than you.