When people hear that I want to go to a college 1,500 miles away from home, they give me the wildest looks. Most of the time, it's followed by a comment about how much debt I'm going to be in and how naive I am being for thinking that it's possible.
With comments like that, I can only imagine what they think of me.
Most people assume that since I am looking into colleges so far from home I'm running away from something or that I don't love my family and I don't want to stay near them. Well, you know what they say about assuming. It makes an...well, nevermind, my mother raised me to not say those types of things.
Let me refute both of those statements.
First of all, I am not running away from anything. Second of all, don't ever say that I don't love my family. I may not always agree with them, and we may bump heads, but I'd give my life for anyone of my family members. I love them to death.
To be quite honest with you, I have never wanted to go to college. It was not something I felt to be necessary seeing as neither of my parents went, and they both turned out perfectly fine. I wanted to be done with school as soon as I could, and college just seemed to postpone that for me.
A few months ago, though, I was praying for my future, getting serious. Graduation is so soon, I figured it was time I figured out a plan on what to do. I was praying and praying and seeking the Lord for an answer on what He wanted me to do when I felt something laid on my heart.
I had seen them at plenty of conferences opening up their Ohio branch near me, but I never had any interest in them. But now God was laying their Florida home campus on my heart.
It didn't make any sense. I had just gotten dumped, and a few short weeks later God was telling me this. I wanted to be sure that it wasn't myself wanting to get away from everything and start over.
To be honest, at first, I was sure that was it. Florida was far away, and college had never been my goal. But I prayed on it. And I prayed on it. And I prayed on it. Weeks went by, and then a few more, and then a couple of months had passed.
I've had a few confirmations from the Lord, too. One Wednesday night service I was praying about this to see if it was just my own feelings or if it was really God, and I remember hearing Him, "You'll go."
You see, not every time I get confirmation can I hear God. But I can feel Him stirring in my heart. I know where He's leading me because I trust in Him. A lot of people don't get that.
My mom asked me the other day, "What--God is calling you away from your family and everything you know here?" and I have no other answer but...well, yeah. It's weird, I know, but I don't think that I can fully grow and be the person that God wants me to be unless I go.
It's like there is something there that I need to experience and see in a new light to be who He wants me to be. I can't explain it better than that. Call me naive or stupid. All I know is what I keep getting every time I pray about this.
I am a very anxious person. I get anxiety over things that I shouldn't, like getting a shot at the doctor's or talking to a sales clerk or even ordering food. I don't like to go to new places alone unless I have someone that I know and am comfortable with there with me so I'm not the weirdo alone.
That being said, ever since God has placed SEU Florida on my heart, I have never had one ounce of anxiety over this. In fact, I feel more excited than anything. I am excited to see what God is going to do. I know it may hit me if I get there, but I am not scared to be alone there.
I do not want to leave my family. I love my mom and being 1,500 miles away from her is going to be the hardest thing ever. I'm probably going to cry...a lot. I have really, really good friends here that I am going to miss like crazy when I can't see them two plus times a week.
But if this is where God is leading me, this is where I have to go.
I'm not worried about finances--I know He will provide. I have laid this in His hands and I trust in God's Plan. He will open whatever doors I am meant to walk through.
Please don't assume that just because I'm looking at colleges out of state means that I want to leave my family and forget my life here because that is not even close to the truth. But I will be obedient to the Lord, even if that takes me somewhere out of my comfort zone.