How To Start Getting Over A Breakup
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Student Life

How To Start Getting Over A Breakup

It happens to the best of us, and the rest of us.

sophiaraeee
Apr 16, 2019
Pennsylvania State University
285
How To Start Getting Over A Breakup
Unsplash

Have you recently dumped someone or been dumped and are having trouble getting over or moving past it? Well, we're in the same boat, so strap in, sister! Here are some of the coping mechanisms I've been trying, what has been working and not working, so far:

1. Crying

If you've just gotten out of a relationship, and it wasn't an easy breakup, then crying is a pretty natural response. If you don't cry, don't think there's anything wrong with you, everyone processes pain and heartbreak differently. However, in my recent...*ahem*... "studies" I have found that crying can help. A lot. I'm not a very emotional person, which basically means I don't often cry when I am sad or upset. But in the past few days, I have been crying like a baby, and I've felt a small bit of comfort after every time I cry, like the pain of the breakup is dulled just a smidge.

2. On to the next!

Some people feel that hooking up with someone quickly after they break up is a good way to cope. Now, I'm not shaming that or disagreeing, but I am saying that it's not for me. I don't know about anyone else, but I form really strong emotional bonds with anyone that I get close with, so I don't have the desire to be with anyone else right after I break up. And, for myself, I don't want to get with anyone else to try and forget about my loss or dull the pain of getting dumped. As I said, I make strong bonds with, and get very attached to the people I am close with, whether those are friends or boyfriends, so rebounds aren't really my jam.

3. Rereading old texts

I've been doing a lot of this, maybe too much than is good for me. And this one kinda has gone hand-in-hand with the whole crying thing, but it can really bolster your confidence to go back and read through sweet messages from when everything was going well, when the buzz of your phone with a text from your S.O. sent the butterflies in your stomach aflutter. To tell you the truth, it made me feel beautiful and confident again to read why he was so attracted to me, and what about me made me special, and stand out. It isn't exactly moving on, but hey, you can't fully move on until you start to feel good about yourself!

4. Moping

Whenever I'm moping around or throwing a pity party for myself, I always have people telling me that it's unattractive to do that, but you know what? Don't listen to them. Moping is a very normal and natural part of getting through any hardship life throws at you. However, if you've been deep in a pity party for a week or more and it's stopping you from doing other things you need to do, then you know it's time to move into another phase of getting over your ex, perhaps partying or even finding a new special someone.

5. Partying

Sometimes a good old night out with the squad can help kick-start your process of getting over your ex. A fun night at a frat, apartment, house, or heck, even a dorm, where you drink, dance, and play music is often a good remedy for most people, depending on where you are in your own grieving process. For me, this stage comes a while after plenty of crying, reading old conversations, and moping around. Otherwise, I can't find myself in the right head space to get dolled up and ready for a night on the town.

6. Ignoring your feelings

Okay, so maybe this isn't the healthiest coping mechanism. You can't avoid your feelings forever. But sometimes it's nice to try and forget, by maybe going out, spending time with friends, or listening to music. Just tuning everyone else out for a day or two can help you feel a little more normal and get back into your regular schedule and swing of things.

7. Staying connected

Listen, that ache in your chest is not gonna go away overnight, and once you've gone through most, or all, of the stages above, you'll feel like you're ready to see your ex or hear their voice. I'm telling you, it's gonna suck. It's gonna hurt real bad. If you're anything like me, you'll feel an enormous weight in your chest, like someone replaced your heart with an iron anvil. Even if it's not seeing them in person, maybe over social media or even text messages, sometimes it's okay, even good, to keep in touch with your ex. That is, only if you ended on amicable terms. If you broke up because of any sort of abuse, verbal, physical, emotional, mental, or otherwise, I do not encourage staying connected with your ex. If that's not the case, and you ended with even the slightest chance that you could be friends one day, try staying in touch. See if it works for you. If it doesn't, don't feel obligated to or guilty if you don't want to or can't.

**Please be advised that I'm not a licensed therapist or anyone certified to give professional relationship counseling, so if you are seeking serious help with your relationship or breakup, talk to a trusted friend and seek out counseling!

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