In recent years, I have become a very picky eater. I've developed quite a few food intolerances and can no longer eat most of my (former) favorite foods, so I have to be picky for my health. (I "could" eat whatever I want with the acceptance that I will feel like a walking trashcan afterward.)

My friends love going out to eat and to try new restaurants and foods. They also love taking me with them and watching me struggle to find something to eat on the menu. Here are the five stages of going out to eat when you are a very picky eater:

Deciding where to eat:

I have a "Safe List" of "Hannah Approved" restaurants that offer entrees that I actually like and can eat. I don't mind eating at these restaurants all the time, but my friends like trying out new places A LOT. So my suggestion of going to Panera Bread every time we go out doesn't really work.

My friends usually pick where we will eat and while we're driving there, I'm usually already scanning the menu hoping for something that is "safe" for me to eat.

Picking something to order:

This part is always difficult. I don't know how any of these entrees will affect me, but I still have to pick one. I generally look for one of these three entrees:

1. Cheeseburger (Typically with no bun)

2. Something with "Real" Turkey (Not the slimy deli turkey!)

3. Some form of Grilled Chicken with Rice

My friends usually ask me if I'll share an appetizer of Buffalo Wings with them, to which I vehemently say, "No." (They should know by now!)

Ordering:

Basically, I order something a 6-year-old would at a restaurant.

Waiter: "...and what can I get for you?"

Me: "I'll have a cheeseburger with cheddar cheese, ketchup, and no bun. What are your french fries like? Are they super greasy? Do they have seasoning on them or are they just salted?"

Waiter: "Umm, they're like normal fries?"

Me: "Hmmm. Ok, I guess I'll try them."

The food arrives:

My thoughts as the waiter is bringing out our food: "I hope the order was prepared right. I hope that I'm not too much of a burden."

Then, I usually pat the grease off of the burger and fries with a few napkins, but don't finish fast enough, so the waiter comes back out to check on us and then asks, "Is everything ok with your food?" I try to reassure him that everything is fine, but I know that he's probably trying to figure out what's wrong with me as he walks away.

My thoughts as the waiter walks away after checking on our table: "Oh who am I kidding, I'm THAT customer. I'll leave him a nice tip for putting up with me."

The aftermath:

This is the best/worst part of going out to eat. Now is when I find out if I can add this restaurant to my "Safe List" or to my "Hannah Will Never Set Foot In This Establishment Ever Again List!"

Oh, and did I mention that your friends will most likely rave about this restaurant no matter what and will say, "What? How could you not like it?!" They will also want to bring you back and you'll simply respond with, "Can we go to Panera Bread instead?"