“Take off your blinders, brothers and sisters. The real enemy is out there. I see their tweets moving in the Twittersphere. Their social media activism, targeting us. Americans, Canadians, hipsters. United in their fear of the unknown. The Hipster is running scared, my fellow humans!” - Magneto, "X-Men First Class" (and Cailee Davis)

Make no mistakes, my friends, the hipsters are among us. They run rampant in our streets, threatening to convert our children to their vegan ways, listening to their bad indie music with the questionable banjo solos, and drinking all of the overpriced coffee they can get their tattooed-hands on. These Lana Del Rey-wannabes must be stopped!

It's up to you, my brothers and sisters, to weed out the hipsters in your neighborhoods. To show them the error of their ways, give them real soap, better music, and a chance to be part of society once again.

But how does one spot a hipsters? It's simple. Once you've spotted a suspicious person, ask yourself the following questions. If the suspect meets the criteria below, congratulations! You've found your first hipster!

1. Do they go on gluten-free diets without having an actual gluten intolerance?

2. Do they order the utmost complicated-sounding coffee known to man (a grande, non-fat, soy-milk, no-sugar, caramel, white chocolate, blood-of-the-innocent, mocha, latte, macchiato, for example), and then not tip?

3. Do they dress like an ironically-fashionable lumberjack?

4. Do they personally identify with Zooey Deschanel or Joseph Gordon-Levitt?

5. Do they order apple martinis at sports bars on $2.50 pint night?

6. Do they own more than 50 scarves, four of which are worn at all times?

7. Do they have unnecessary eye wear (e.g. Buddy Holly glasses)?

8. Does their general appearance remind you of either a homeless person or your grandfather?

9. Do they carry vintage cameras, records, and typewriters, while also carrying an iPhone?

10. Do they Instagram the shit out of everything (with all of the filters ever)?

11. Do they have anironic beard, a man bun, or freakin' flower crowns?

12. Do they frequently and loudly announce their veganism?

13. Do they ride faux-vintage bicycles?

You may be saying to yourself...

But it is, friends! Stay alert, be vigilant, and we can defeat these hipster douchebags together!