The stigmatization of mental health is real, and it has real (and troubling) effects.

Put simply, stigma is "when someone sees you in a negative way because of your mental illness" (BetterHealth Channel). Stigma makes someone feel like their illness defines them and that they should be ashamed.

Subtle yet damaging comments, even when unintentional, can lead a person with a mental illness to internalize the stigma. He or she feels intense guilt and shame for having a mental illness.

Unfortunately, I have internalized some of the negative things attached to mental illnesses. As much as I'd like to view my anxiety as an illness and not a personal flaw, this isn't the case.

Sometimes I tell myself that having anxiety means that I'm weak, I'm weird, and that I'll never lead a normal life. I tell myself that I should just be able to make it go away.

As ridiculous as these thoughts may seem, our society has made these things easy to believe. Think about it. Inpatient psychiatric centers are often called "insane asylums." Mental illness is often cited as a reason for a crime. In some instances, people who are religious and suffering from a mental illness are told to "turn to God and it will be fine."

It's no wonder I feel so guilty for having anxiety.

"Why can't you just be normal? Just get over it." Of course, these thoughts make my anxiety worse, but it's hard to stop them from repeating over and over again in my head.

Sometimes I wonder if my anxiety is a manifestation of my personality. I tell myself that if I wasn't so perfectionistic and introverted I wouldn't be so anxious all the time. I tell myself that I'm not trying hard enough, and if I have enough willpower my anxiety will just disappear.

Then an important question came to mind: Why do I blame myself for something that isn't even my fault?

I didn't ask to have anxiety. I didn't ask to take medications every day. As much as I wish I didn't have anxiety, I do.

I've slowly realized that I need to stop blaming myself for my anxiety. Instead, I need to realize that it's as real as a physical illness. You wouldn't tell someone who scraped their knee to just stop bleeding. We need to start thinking of mental health this way.

No, I'm not proud of my anxiety. I wish it would go away. However, I have learned skills to help me cope with it and make it less intense. It doesn't take over my life as often as it used to. Sometimes it feels like it does, but it goes away.

My anxiety does not define me.

In fact, I'm starting to learn that my effort to get people talking about mental health despite my own struggle is quite brave. It shows how strong I really am. I am advocating for mental health, but there's no denying that I struggle with my own mental health sometimes.

That's okay. It doesn't make anything I say invalid or hypocritical.

When I find myself blaming myself for my anxiety, I will start telling myself that it's just the stigma talking.