As the dad of a two-year-old boy, child-proofing and safety are at the forefront of my mind 24 hours a day. There isn’t a wicker basket or candle holder that he can’t turn into a lethal weapon, and I swear there isn’t a “child-proof lid” that he hasn’t figured out how to open. My wife and I live with our heads on a swivel, trying to foresee any and all opportunities for choking, falling, swallowing a hazardous substance, etc. that a little boy can come across. So far, we’ve succeeded in avoiding any knife wounds or chemical burns, but the inevitable bruised forehead or hurt toe is simply part of life. He’s a boy, he’s two, and he just doesn’t know.

Every time my son cries, it pierces my heart, and I want to do anything I can to make him feel better. So, I get it when people are upset by the thought of a child in danger or discomfort. What I can’t understand is why people are so quick to judge other parents instead of feeling empathy for their plights.

When I watched the video of the little boy who fell into the gorilla enclosure in Cincinnati, it was terrifying. The thought of my son being yanked around by a 450-pound gorilla was enough to make me sick to my stomach from anxiety, and of course my first question was, “How did he even get in there?” It should not have been possible for a three-year-old boy to enter the enclosure, and there should be a multitude of questions asked about how he came to be in the gorillas’ habitat.

However, the responses to this incident over social media and news networks were not seeking to expose how this happened so that it might be prevented in the future. The public sought to place blame, including the thousands of individuals accusing Michelle Gregg, the boy’s mother, of neglect. There was even a Change.org campaign started by a Cincinnati woman who thought Gregg’s children should be taken away from her and be held legally responsible for the death of the 17-year-old gorilla, Harambe.

Under police investigation and the target of vicious public shaming, the family was demonized as negligent, instead of supported. Watching the video, you can hear the dread in Gregg’s voice as she shouted, “Mommy loves you,” and “I’m right here,” trying desperately to calm her son, despite her own panic. You can hear the audio from her 911 call here. Imagine what she was going through. Just think about how frightened and distressed she must have been.

Michelle Gregg, who works as an administrator at a local daycare, was watching over several small children that day, and there are an infinite number of reasons that she could have been distracted. I know from first-hand experience that it only takes you turning your head for one second for a little boy to get into something he shouldn’t. It is not a character default or lack of responsibility that allowed this event to take place, simply misfortune.

Shortly after the tragedy in Cincinnati, another story broke about a two-year-old boy in Florida who had been dragged off and killed by alligators. The young boy, now identified as Lane Graves, was wading in the ankle-deep waters of the Seven Seas Lagoon, a lake near Disney's Grand Floridian hotel in Buena Vista, Florida before the alligator attacked and dragged him underwater. Matt and Melissa Graves, the boy’s parents, immediately chased the alligator into the water and tried to wrestle the boy free, but they were unsuccessful.

The Graves notified a nearby lifeguard who called 911. The police scoured the area for approximately 16 and a half hours before they found Lane Grave’s body. It is interesting to point out that during the search for Lane, police found and killed five alligators, but there has been no public outcry over the deaths of those animals like there was over Harambe.

Similar to the case of Michelle Greggs, the parents of Lane Graves were immediately criticized and condemned. Individuals claiming that they would have stopped at nothing to protect their child and that Matt and Melissa should have done more flooded news feeds. Disapproval of the boy being allowed to play near the water where “No Swimming” signs were posted was rampant. The Graves were painted as careless and inattentive and held responsible for the actions of a wild animal.

It saddens me to think that anyone would want to cause the parents of the children more pain than what they are already going through. I know the guilt I feel when I accidentally step on my son’s toes. Can you imagine the weight of the responsibility these parents feel for what happened to their children? How much shame do they place on themselves for not being able to protect their own? Why would anyone want to add to that tremendous burden?

Parents will never be able to keep their children away from everything in this world that could harm them. Accidents will always happen. The Greggs family will never forget what happened that day in the zoo, and Michelle will have anxious flashbacks to that day for the rest of her life. Matt and Melissa Graves will never stop grieving their son, and they will be reminded of that tragedy on a daily basis. Words of criticism and frustration will only add to the hurt these families are going through, but a word of solidarity during these hard times could help get them through the day. So I encourage you to think of the last time someone said the perfect thing to you, right when you needed it most, and remember that when you start to judge.