Last week, something happened to me that transformed my life beyond imagination, giving me a greater sense of accomplishment than I had ever experienced before: Facebook notified me I reached 450 friends.

This hyperbolic statement is obviously untrue, and many people reading this article have reached social media heights far greater than mine, friending possibly thousands and receiving likes of even greater numbers.

But after reaching the non-accomplishment of 450 friends, I feel the need to consider some questions: How many of these 450 would I describe as actual friends and how many as acquaintances? Even further, how many would I consider, at this point, essentially having no relationship with at all?

And, even more importantly, is Facebook (and other social media outlets) the way I wish to connect with those whom I consider important? Is a system that clearly values quantity over quality, that values the collecting of supposed friendships or followers?

I’ll be the first to admit that Facebook has allowed me to reconnect with people whom I had not contacted in over a decade, to learn about events and opportunities I would not have been able to know about otherwise, and to develop a love of news and politics, as the platform provides never-ending sources of content. These benefits are unignorable. Pretending Facebook (and other social media) has not had some positive benefits would be foolish.

But, at the same time, anyone who knows me on some personal level knows the importance I place on genuineness and embracing one’s uniqueness. We can pretend that social media can represent our true identities, but the reality is we all make intentional decisions about what we choose to post and the way we want to present ourselves.

By using Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, and the like, we are inherently constructing presentations of ourselves. We feed into ideas of popularity and groupthink and, intentionally or not, create personas for ourselves. In the process, we sometimes sacrifice our own individuality.

But, should we care to gain “likes” from people we have very little physical interaction with? Should we want to alter our personalities (or even create a personality) for our hundreds of followers? The reader must make this decision for themselves, but for me the decision is clear.

Refusing to engage with social media is near impossible. At the same time, I hope to reaffirm that social media is not the way to meaningful relationships, let alone happiness. Genuineness, an essential element in these types of bonds, is difficult to find online.

Having 450 Facebook friends is great, but much more important is having an intimate group of close ones. I am always happy to discover new ones or reflame ones that have died down, but social media can, at best, be a spark for a face-to-face, personal interaction. There are very few people I‘ve met that I would refuse to grab coffee with. In most cases, I would be glad for the opportunity to meet with them.

We cannot control the way society changes, but we can determine how we conduct ourselves and live our lives. The emotional effects of social media are also clear, best summed up by a September article published in The Atlantic and captured by movies such as Ingrid Gone West, the story of a young woman who moves to Los Angeles and eventually attempts suicide because of her desire for social-media inspired popularity.

We all have a natural desire to feel affirmation by those around us. Social media companies know this, and they design their apps to feed into our mind’s workings, as explained in this 60 Minutes clip. But, because we are aware of their activity, we must try and respond to it with our own actions.

Will you allow social media to cause you to abandon your true self and create a story for the world to see? Will you remain committed to the amazing personality that makes enjoying time with you worthwhile? Genuineness is possibly one of the most important traits we must embrace to build an honest, good-natured society. I’ve made my decision; now you must make yours: will social media dictate your life?