So, you put together your best outfit to walk downtown with someone who believes is your best friend, but is really only used for their height and high-quality phone camera to take not-so-candid photos of you during golden hour…You start the evening off with a trip to the ice cream parlor to make the friendship seem a bit more authentic and less like a personal gain, however, only one of you orders.
I mean c'mon... photos can't be taken to add to your social media portfolio with a cone of cake batter in the photographers left hand, duh. You get an aesthetically expected cone of vanilla dipped in rainbow sprinkles and have your "BFF" capture a few photos of an impeccably staged scene of you tripping and getting a bit of ice cream perfectly placed on your nose with a facial expression that screams, "lol, I'm such an adorable mess." With the addition of one or two portrait mode close-ups to point out the absence of spoiled makeup after the unfortunate encounter (no post would be complete without a comment asking how your makeup didn't move throughout the day), the collage for your next Twitter and Instagram posts are complete. After going through all of the images and narrowing down the list to four posts for Twitter and at least two extras for Instagram fillers, in between captures of sunsets and beach visits, it's finally time to make last minute adjustments and upload your hard work.
Wait — what will the caption be? How will you get more retweets than Vanessa or Shawn who each have equally the amount of followers as you on all platforms? What will make people want to slide in your DMs instead of continuing to scroll when your tweet appears on their timeline? The answer…? Ask a question or make a statement, and be a troll.
Be THE troll with the ULTIMATE question and the "Black Mirror" of statements. Join the wave of captions that have no correlation to the figures attached below. Gain the attention of multiple subclasses by irritating one with your illogical inscription that they will have no choice but to comment on, bring out the intelligence of another by allowing them to quote and voice their inner-thoughts above your posts, aka sharing your face around, or brighten the day of "feel better" accounts that spend their days complimenting, liking and sharing their timelines to boost the self-esteem of others. What is the "ultimate troll" caption bouncing around today?
Tell Me Something I Don't Know.
I know, it really hits deep, doesn't it? There are so many ways to go about a post with this caption and, of course, Twitter has done them all. Tweets with the aforementioned subtitle attached receive hundreds of thousands of retweets and favorites. While there is no way to count how many times a tweet has been quoted, one can predict a pretty high number, considering how many times the same four photos show up on one accounts timeline in the course of a day. The new trend has both positive and negative aspects. On the upside, I've learned some pretty wacky things from quoted tweets and have even gotten in a good laugh along the way. On the downside, I CAN'T SEEM TO GET THE POSTS OFF MY DANG TIMELINE.
I'm sorry, but I don't care to see the same "unknown" facts posted over and over again on my homepage. I get it. People enjoy attention and the caption brings it to them. Hey! I'm all for people getting what they want, even if it is a scam to make ones following seem bigger or grab the attention of high social figures. Go Off! Post those photos and type that caption, but, please, for the love of God, can somebody... ANYBODY come up with something new to say? I'm pretty sure there aren't any unknowns left to be announced.
As all trends have their time to shine, they have their time to die. Please, let this one dive six feet under! There will be more golden hours in the city for your photograph to be taken and way more captions for you to use to gain the social media communities attention. So, what do you say? Don't you think we've all been told enough “unknowns” to last us a decade? It's time to say farewell to Tell Me Something I Don't Know, before our brains explode from all of the facts and pictures put on our social accounts. Let us all take a brief moment of silence and MOVE ON.