This past weekend, I realized how much I rely on my phone. If it's in the next room or lost somewhere in my apartment, I drop everything I do to look for it because I just have to have it, obviously. The next realization I had, however, was that I'm not actually addicted to my phone itself because I know I don't answer texts in a reasonable time (sorry friends), I'm actually addicted to every social media account possible.
The first thing I do in the morning is check my phone. I go through my Insta feed, Snapchat stories, Facebook timeline and then I do it all over again until I actually get up to start the day. Immediately, images of everyone trying to live their best life flood my brain and I'm distracted before I even get to class. Writing about it now, I wouldn't say this is the best way to start my day.
The worst part of my social media addiction is the immediate FOMO I get after seeing everyone attempt to make themselves look as cool as possible, and I believe it. I fall for all of the posed stories and the selfies that are probably 1 of 50 on someone's camera roll, especially if it's after a night out. The worse part? I definitely try to do the same thing, which makes everything 10 times worse. I'm part of the generation that checks their Instagram likes every minute after they post a photo or make sure my Snapchat story is showing the best view of my night as possible, and I hate it.
Not only was my addiction controlling my life every time I looked at my phone, but it became to the point where it was anxiety-inducing. I would make myself feel absolutely awful every time I saw someone having a better time than I was, never giving myself the chance to actually enjoy the time I was having. Social media was helping me create my own worst nightmare, and I wasn't doing anything to stop it.
After a week of feeling stressed, anxious or sad for almost every waking moment, I made the decision to delete all of my social media apps. Taking myself away from the media world was strange at first, but I actually grew to like it. Out of habit, every time I went to my phone I would swipe on click on the space where my apps used to be, making me realize how many times I actually click on them in the span of a few minutes, and it scared me a little bit.
Over the course of the night, I didn't feel the urge to open Snapchats or check what everyone was posting on Instagram, at first simply because I couldn't but then I started to like my freedom. I was able to have conversations with people without feeling the need to check the latest Instagram post; it was a relief. Being able to enjoy my night and feel a true sense of happiness again, especially following an anxiety-inducing week, felt like a breath of fresh air that I desperately needed.
Even though I've added Instagram and Snapchat back (still no Facebook), I feel like I have more control over my life than I did just 24 hours before that. I've been able to catch myself focusing on what everyone else is doing instead of enjoying the memories I was making, which is something I really don't think I've been able to do before. If I need to, I know that I can delete my social media accounts without any serious pains or consequences.
I know that I still have a lot to work on, including working on creating my own happiness, but I have to remember that everyone is trying to do the same thing; try to prove that their life is perfect 24/7, which is never true.