So recently I started working at Target as a Sales Associate in Softlines, which means sometimes I may be assigned to the fitting room where I stay answer phones and due certain sections. I wasn't aware that my Social Anxiety interacts with the retail world until I got there. I thought that maybe working there would make my introvert personality a little more extroverted...I was wrong. Some say you will get used to it and over your anxiety when you do it for a good amount of time. But, I don't think social anxiety just goes away, sure you can feel more comfortable but the ring of the phone sounds like a fire alarm to me.
It's not just the phone that gets me to want to cry, whenever I have a guest come up to me asking for something I am unsure of I still want to hide. It's not that I am scared of people it's the fact that the retail world is a very uncontrolled environment. I didn't exactly understand what "controlled" or "uncontrolled" environment meant until now. Last summer I worked full time in the back room and I loved it. I had a daily routine, I knew who I was working with and I didn't have any surprises. I didn't know how comfortable that felt until now. I realized I am someone who is more of a controlled environment person than retail. However, it's not just the environment it's that I am part time and my anxiety is basically thinking about the next time I work and what horrible things may happen or what I may be doing and how scary it will be.
I don't think social anxiety can just disappear if you work in retail or the same place after a period of time. It's part of your personality that you just have to handle and deal with every day. I do feel more comfortable than I felt a week ago, but I still want to hide when I see a guest or even a co-worker and pray to god they don't talk or ask me anything. I have met one employee who has been really great at helping me out with my anxiety. She has the been the one who understands and accepts it and is always willing to help me when I need it.
Sometimes I think that I might be the only one dealing with social anxiety at work. I think that of course, no one else here has it because if they did they wouldn't be working here. But I really hope that someday I will meet another employee going through the same thing every day.
I drive to work and get there 20 minutes early anxious I will be late. I sit in my car and just think about the worst possible things that may happen. Then I take a huge gulp and start walking. I thought it would pass once I started to work more, but I still feel like its the first day of work every day I go in.