I. Am. Outraged.

I am angry that I live in a country filled with entitled individuals. I am angry I live in a country filled with individuals that openly hate other individuals that are different from them. I am angry that something that this has happened; could happen. I am angry that the country isn't in more of an uproar that this happened. I am angry that people died. I am angry that there are people in this country who feel they need to cleanse it of all people that are non-white. I am angry that there are so many people all over the country that feel this way.

The sound of my own screaming scared me.

I. Am. Terrified.

I am scared because history is beginning to repeat itself. I am scared because I am a woman. I am scared because I am African-American. I am scared for my brothers and sisters who are Jewish, African-American, Gay, or any of the other groups that these terrorists are targeting. I am scared because we have only seen some of the people that feel this way. I am scared because I am literally seeing America divide itself. I am scared because hatred and violence will only breed more hatred and violence... and no one seems to get that. I am scared for America and all it's people.

I sobbed uncontrollably... until my eyes hurt and my head was throbbing.

I. Am. Numb.

This division has been brewing for years. Anyone who doesn't know this or tries to act like it's new is misinformed. I have spent years now crying over senseless violence. I have spent years asking myself why my skin color is a problem when I didn't even chose it. I have spent years asking how you can hate someone for their religion or sexual orientation. I have spent years praying to GOD asking him to heal this country. This country is hurting on both sides and it is weighing on me. I'm tired of being smart enough to know that this country doesn't belong to one group of people. I'm tired of being smart enough to know that racism is wrong and that no group of people is superior to the other. I am tired of wondering what's wrong with me. I am tired of hearing people trying to compare the Black Lives Matter movement to other terrorist groups. I am tired of having to explain why we even say Black Lives Matter. I'll say it once more here: It is not a statement that in anyway is trying to imply that all other lives do not matter, but seeing how Black people can be shot, killed, and nothing happens... it seems to me that our lives aren't valued as high, so we shout a reminder that despite our melanin, we matter too.

I am numb. I've cried way too many tears over people I don't know. Not just Black people, but all people who are discriminated against and oppressed. All people who are made to feel like they are scum or worthless or don't belong in this country just because they are different or unique. Just they don't follow the status quo. I don't want to box in a specific group of people because I know not everyone feels the same way the terrorist feel. Some of these people are fighting along side the minority groups. Some of them have even lost their lives.

I, unlike the people who hate me without knowing me, do not blame one group of people. I blame a mindset. I blame a belief system that causes certain individuals to believe that this country belongs to them. I blame the justice system. I blame a thought process that makes people believe that it is there duty to clear out anyone different from them. Most of all I blame hatred. It is a seed, that if tended t,o can destroy a person. Make them cold and bitter and do terrible. It can make them blind. It can cause wars and division.

I don't hate anyone. I refuse to allow this evil to corrupt me. So instead I'm just angry, terrified and numb. I'm at a loss of words, but thankfully never a loss of hope. I pray that one day this country is able to put itself back together. And I pray it happens before the hatred and evil cause this country to burn.

I pledge allegiance to the flag, of the "United" States of America, and to the republic for which it stands. One nation, under GOD, indivisible, with liberty and justice for ALL.