Walmart is one of the necessary evils of life. It's horrible and no one truly likes going, but everyone has to go. However, Walmart in a small town is on another level.
Suddenly, it's transformed from a grocery store with a ton of other useless stuff that you probably don't need to the place where high school students congregate, couples go when they can't think of anything better to do, and where people who just want to get out and be social come.
I know, weird, right? If you've ever been to a small town Walmart, then you know exactly what I'm talking about and have probably had these 19 thoughts.
1. "Oh, man even the parking lot is crowded..."
This should be your first sign to just turn around and try to find what you need somewhere else.
2. "Wow, there are so many people in here!"
I mean, you knew there would be because of the parking lot, but sometimes you forget just how overwhelming that first glimpse into the abyss of crazed people maniacally pushing buggies around to get what they need.
3. "Do I really need these things this bad?"
Is it truly worth it to keep going?
4. "Who on earth actually needs that?"
*you say as you walk past the display with the camouflaged school supplies*
5. "Why on earth do people just leave buggies everywhere?"
Y'all, put them back where they go. It isn't hard to be a halfway decent human being.
6. "Is no one going to make that screaming child shut up?"
Please, for the love of all things good, tell your brat to quit screaming because you aren't buying him/her a new toy.
7. "Yikes! Didn't her friends tell her that that wasn't a good outfit to wear out of the house?"
Let me just tell you, going to a small town Walmart is better than an episode of "What Not to Wear."
8. "Are those two on a date right now?"
Am I really seeing this? Yes I am.
9. "If I had superpowers, I would just make everyone disappear off the face of the earth for the next ten minutes so I could get my stuff and leave"
Need I say more?
10. "Ah man, if I go left I have to go into the crowd, but there are people I know to the right"
You've gotta choose between the lesser of the two evils: working through a crowd or engaging in a conversation. Best of luck.
11. "Why is everyone in this aisle? Please leave"
It's the one aisle you need to go down, but the entire rest of the store is there already.
12. "Um, hi, can you walk any slower?"
Slow walkers only prolong your stay and it takes all of your willpower not to step all over their heels like you did to your siblings when you were younger.
13. "Why did I think it was a good idea to come here?"
You thought you were mentally prepared and knew what you were getting yourself into, but nope.
14. Man, I wish we had a Target..."
Target is the holy grail of all stores. End of discussion.
15. "Okay, if I've forgotten something, that's just too bad because I am not going back through this store"
There is not enough money on earth to pay me to go back for that toothpaste. I'll just make it work.
16. "Did they really think that only having one self checkout and three regular cashiers open was going to work?"
Why, Walmart, why are you like this?
17. "I've waited in shorter lines at Disney World"
Now that you've been virtually trapped by your own need inside of the store for hours, they're making you wait another 10-20 minutes just to give them your money.
18. "I hate myself for doing this"
You just stand there in line and hate yourself for coming in the first place.
19. "Confirmed: I am in hell"
If you don't refer to Walmart as hell by now, you're doing it wrong.