I have often heard young women, especially at universities, express concern over whether they will ever find a boyfriend/girlfriend, love, or a future spouse at school. Recently, a friend of mine was dismayed that she is currently a sophomore in college, and has yet to be involved in a serious relationship.
This soon turned into a night where we all began worrying over whether or not we would die alone and getting upset that it seems like everyone is finding the perfect guy at school (which by the way, where ARE you finding them?) and we just can’t.
But 24 hours later, I reflected on the conversation and I realized that all though it is reasonable to be upset about this sort of thing, there’s no reason to dwell on it. There’s a stigma surrounding college that you need to find a partner while you're there, and this is just not the case for a lot of people anymore.
If no one else is telling you this, then I will: It is perfectly normal to be single in college, and it can actually be one of the best decisions you could make.
Now, before we get started, I am not saying that you should never get involved with a guy or girl at a university-in fact, I’m saying the opposite. If the opportunity comes by, then that’s totally great, but what you should never do is spend your nights worrying that you will never find anybody.
Relax-it will happen when you need it to, not when you want it to. Forcing something that is not meant to be will never work out in the long haul, so even though it sucks sometimes, you need to be patient. And if it doesn't happen while you're in college, you are still on a good track.
Now, why would I say this? Why am I bashing on relationships? (I'm not, just an FYI). But, after staying in a 2-year relationship and then ending it, I was very skeptical about what being single would mean for me too. It had been a while, but at the same time, I knew that I made the right decision because when you're so young the last thing you want to be is in a relationship that won't allow you to be free-spirited and experience life to its fullest while you still can. And if you're in a relationship right now where you can do all of that, then that's awesome-I was not.
That's the problem with a lot of relationships in college. I've seen some of my peers be in extremely controlling relationships in college. I've had many girls complain to me that their boyfriend gets upset with them when they want to go to a party or to the bars with friends, so instead they spend the night with them and miss out on memories and opportunities to make the most of their college years.
And that's something you don't want to be in. You never want to be in a relationship that holds you back.
And it's not even just about not experiencing the "party life" because I've also seen firsthand girls drop their friends because their boyfriend didn't like them, despite how close the friendship was. Or people just spending so much time with their significant other that they lose friendships. In my experience, friends are a constant and will be a support system forever. Boyfriends/girlfriends, more often than not, tend to be the opposite.
College is an exciting time in every person's life. It's a time of growth, to experience new things, to meet new people, and really learning who you are. And sometimes it's very hard to do that while in a relationship. For me, I didn't truly find myself until my relationship ended and I don't regret breaking up. My relationship held me back from doing so many things my freshman year (which made up for a pretty horrible year of college) and my sophomore year has been all the better because it came to a close.
I recognize this isn't something that's universal. Some relationships work extremely well, and you can find a forever best friend in them. You can find someone in a relationship who makes you a better you, and together you can live your young lives to the potential it should reach at this age.
But I've experienced and seen what relationships with the wrong people can do. If you're single and in college, try your best to not stress over it. All this means is that you have more time to focus on the important things, like personal growth and spending time with the people who will always be there for you.
College is a crazy ride, and it's not going to last forever. So if you're single, be so happy that you can be single and mingle. Be happy that instead of devoting all this time to someone who may not be apart of your future, that you're dedicating it to spending time with people who will be. Be happy that you're not wasting time with someone who may not be as serious about a relationship as you are. Be happy that you have this time to focus on growing as a person and becoming a better you, instead of focusing it on a significant other.
Being single is not a curse, despite what people may say about it, so ignore the backhanded comments of "You're STILL single?" and live your college years unapologetically and freely.