A few weeks ago, an individual I had yet to meet in person came into my life. No, we didn't end up meeting through one of those apps or online dating sites (both of which I've never actually used, by the way). On the contrary, I came to him to discuss my possibility of involvement in a mentorship program (in which he would be my ultimate mentor).

Now, when you think of the word "mentor", it's very likely you'll end up picturing someone who appears to be much older and not at all desirable. The person I'm referring to is the exact opposite of both of those characteristics. Only upon initial interaction with him will you begin to even come close to understanding why.

At this time, however, I'd much rather prefer to tell you about a few of the personal experiences I had with him, starting with the most unforgettable massage:

I had been sitting on a chair in a secluded room for about an hour, struggling to secure my attention to the computer screen in front of me. On that day, not only were my allergies already irritating enough, but I was also especially cold due to the intensity of the air conditioning from the vent above me.

As hard as I tried to focus my attention on the screen, all I could think about was his whereabouts and whether or not he would feel inclined to come and check on my progress anytime soon. Sure enough, he did, taking immediate notice of my horrible posture.

"You sleeping back here?" he asked.

"It's cold. You've got the AC blowing on you, and you've been staring at a computer screen for such a long time."

"I know," I replied. "I'm sorry."

"...Do you want a sweater?" he asked.

"Um...Yes," I answered.

"Of course you do," he said.

So he opened up a mini storage compartment directly above the computer, proceeding to pull out one of the most comfortable and beautiful looking sweaters I had ever thought to be in a man's possession. Both of us were silent as he attempted to wrap the gorgeous source of warmth around each of my shoulders. As soon as he left, I anxiously awaited his return. About an hour or so later, my wait was finally over.

"You've been back here a while, Amelia," he said.

"I know. I'm sick and very tense today," I replied.

He started massaging my shoulders from behind the chair, ever so gently and methodically. The sweater remained atop of each one, pulsating upwards and downwards with every single movement produced by his hands and fingers.

"Oooh!... You are. I can tell," he said.

Within the duration of just 10 seconds, I wanted nothing more than to just lay back, relax, and let nature take its course. I wanted to do more than just let my hair down.

...I wanted to let everything down.

As crazy as it seems, I felt more connected to him than any other man I had ever met in my life (even the ones I had known for much longer on a more intimate and personal level).

I guess that's why I was so drawn to him in the first place.

By now, you've probably already begun to wonder what was so sinful about my desire to be intimate with him right then and there.

Well, the answer to that question resides in the fact that this man is already married and a father. Trust me, I won't blame you if you decide to click out of this article right now out of being shocked at the way I felt. I've been trying to make sense of it all for a little while now, so I totally get it.

What's even more sinful is the fact that, for once in my life, I didn't care about the boundaries. Nor could I even get myself to care about them as much as I tried (and believe me when I say that I never actually tried).

You see, my past experiences and observations have taught me that the only way I can ever expect to be catered to by a man, is to cater to him first and foremost. Whereby, it is not my obligation to sit back and be pleased, but rather, to do whatever it takes to please him.

In other words, please him first, and for longer. Otherwise, it'll take him that much longer to even contemplate that it is also his obligation to do whatever it takes to please you.

Dress and act in ways that appeal to him, no matter the level of discomfort. Or else he will have every right to scavenge and search for another to take your place.

Reveal yourself to him first and as soon as he prompts you to do so, despite your level of hesitation. Otherwise, he has every right to keep you in the wonder of his own secrets for as long as he chooses.

So, when I finally do meet a man who is more than comfortable enough with abandoning the boundaries and expectations that many cultures have placed upon him simply because of the fact that he is a man.

...I will crave him.

I crave the way that this man was somehow able to maintain a sense of positivity even when situations made doing so very difficult. I crave this man's positivity in my life for all of the times that I am unable to be positive enough for myself. I crave the way that this man's compliments and respect came so naturally and genuinely to such an extent that I knew he actually meant them for good reason in an effort to remind others (myself included) of their own worth and value.

Just the act of being around him makes me feel as though the man I am meant to spend the rest of my life with is actually finally here, and that I don't have to wait anymore.

Now, without his presence, I am left having to return to the same old, lonely state of being that I was in before he even came along: a state of constant searching and longing for the man my soul desires most, which is what makes this man's absence all the more painful.

And yet, you have the audacity to shame me, simply because I am curious to know what it's like to experience and embrace the kind of appreciation and satisfaction I have never known before?

In that case, to whom should the shame be targeted?

By the way, just to put an end to your curiosity that I wanted so much to never end:

No, we never did anything (nor were we ever going to). I will say, though, massages are most relaxing when they are given by someone willingly rather than you actually having to be the one to give them yourself.

A "crush" is far from what I've been experiencing since this whole occurrence even started. On the contrary, I now possess a definite realization of the kinds of qualities and genuine moments I hope to experience with the man I am meant to spend the rest of my life with. So, how can I not trust in God to make those qualities and moments a reality for me someday, with someone who has absolutely no "baggage" attached?

In that case, does what I'm feeling right now actually make me more of a sinner in a negative sense than I already know myself to be? Or, is what I'm currently feeling a sin which has much more goodness to it than bad that you can't even begin to explain yourself?

...The decision is yours to make.