On more than one account I've had friends come to me with concerns about their relationships. Sometimes it's been that they feel like their significant other isn't supporting them enough, and other times it's because their significant other is genuinely treating them wrong.
No matter what, I've always been someone my friends can come to in order to vent about frustrations and feelings they're having in their relationships. Although I'm not trained in any way, nor have I been in really any significant relationships at all, I'm someone who will certainly help my friends find the answers they're searching for.
If you've ever been a friend in this position then you know how frustrating it can be to help your friends realize that they deserve so much better. If you're the friend who finds yourself going to your trusted confidants, this article pertains to you. Why?
As much as we love being there for you, we are tired of hearing your complaints about your crappy beau, and it's time that you take matters into your own hands!
First step in solving issues in a relationship is COMMUNICATION. How is your SO supposed to know that you feel underappreciated? They can't read your mind! Start with some good ol' "I" statements. Example: "I feel underappreciated when it feels like I'm expected to do nice things for you, like when I surprise you with flowers or take out."
Wow, what a great starting point for a conversation! Using "I" statements avoid accusatory language, which means your partner is less likely to jump on the defense. NEWS FLASH: if your SO doesn't want to talk about your feelings, GET OUT! Your feelings are totally valid because they're just that: your feelings!
Which brings me to my next point: if your partner tries to tell you that you shouldn't feel the way you do, ask why. Odds are, you are just seeing a given situation through different lenses which is totally normal. If they say that you're dumb or wrong for feeling the way you do, GET OUT! For real though, someone cannot say that your feelings are wrong because feelings just are. You can't help your feelings.
I've seen countless times where people have stayed in unhappy relationships because they've been told that their feelings are wrong, invalid. You deserve to be happy and to have a happy partnership with someone. You shouldn't be missing out on that just because your SO is controlling, needy, etc.
If your SO doesn't want you going away to school, study abroad, or is holding you back from fulfilling your dreams, BREAK UP! Your SO should be the FIRST person in those metaphorical stands cheering you on! If you give up finding yourself or following your dreams for a person, the day will come when you feel resentment towards them. Maybe not right away, but trust the whole lot of people before you who have gone through it.
If you feel physically, verbally, or mentally threatened by your SO, GET OUT! No one, and I mean, NO ONE, deserves to feel insignificant, in danger, abused, weak, or unsafe. If you feel at all like this pertains to you, if you question this in the least bit, please call 1-800-799-7233 or visit this website.
If for any reason you are unhappy, then just break up. Maybe you are used to the person and it scares you that you'd have to become used to something new. That is not a reason to stay in a relationship, and wholeheartedly, if your SO felt that way about you, would you want to stay in that relationship?
Maybe you feel like what you have with your SO is the closest you've ever come to what you think forever could feel like and you're afraid you could never find anything like it. Guess what: you can have more than one great love story in your lifetime.
Maybe you've just always been in a relationship, so being single seems scary. Guess what: it's actually a chance to discover yourself in ways you'd never imagine. If it means letting someone go, if it is truly meant to be (yes, I believe in fate), then you two will find your way back to each other. In every circumstance, fate will align your paths again.
If starting a conversation with your SO doesn't solve anything or only makes things worse, then just break up. People get back together all the time, and other people find better.