Sometimes, depression comes in random waves. These waves are hard to predict and can last anywhere from a few hours to a few months. These are some of the patterns I've noticed when I start to slip back into an episode. I share them in hopes that someone else who feels the same way knows they aren't alone, and they aren't crazy. Knowing your body and mind and when you are hitting a low point can also help you prepare.

1. I question everything.

Even though I trust my boyfriend, I suddenly get jealous over the smallest thing. I make up insane scenarios because I'm afraid he's lying. My friends complimenting me or even talking to me makes me nervous, makes me think they spend too much time talking about me or to me, like they don't really feel that way. I convince myself no one cares because that makes it easier to isolate myself.

2. I sleep all the time, or not at all.

The worst part of depression, in my own opinion, is the exhaustion. The constant ache because you feel so weak that you could fall over and pass out wherever you are. This usually causes me to sleep late, take naps during the day and then sleep all night. But during some episodes, no matter how exhausted I feel, I can't sleep. I stay up late because I know I'll be tossing and turning. The drastic changes let me know I'm about to go through a very exhausting period of time.

3. I find myself feeling physically numb.

People who don't have depression or don't know someone close to them who does, depression sounds like "sadness." Most people don't understand the full-on, physical, emotional, and mental pain and numbness that comes with it. If I start to zone out, not thinking about anything, if I can lay still long enough that my body goes numb, I know I'm sliding into an episode.

4. My moods are either extreme highs or low-lows.

I've heard the word "manic" a lot when reading about mental disorders. I've always figured that manic describes my extreme moods. I'm energetic and I'm constantly moving, but I also ramble, mumble, get confused easily and forget what I'm doing. My lowest lows are lying in bed, not able to get up. I feel weak and tired enough that I can't motivate myself to do anything.

5. I feel like I'm on auto-pilot

There are several routines in my life. I'm not the person who goes out every night, there's not much to do in my town, and I'm happy with spending my days off and my nights at home. When I do these things when my depression starts to peek out, I often forget I'm doing them. It feels like my brain is asleep while my body is still running. This leads to me forgetting things I'm told or asked to do that are not ordinary, forgetting small details, and doing things wrong because I can't focus.

As hard as dealing with these things are, recognizing when you're about to flare up, or if you are about to go through an episode, it makes preparing yourself much easier. Knowing where your mind is going can make it easier to do things that help you through your depression. Plan activities that you are excited for. Organize, clean up your room, make sure assignments or projects are all in order somewhere you will remember them so you don't have to worry about not doing these things when you take a hard hit because of the season, a hard time, or just a random outburst from your depression.

Also know other people feel this way, and many people will be there for you if you need to talk, need someone to sit with you, or just to be a friend.