Living for other people is also known as being a people pleaser. This is the art of dedicating all of your time and commitment to everyone around you, but you. The art of making sure that all are fine, but yourself. Society has influenced us, generous people, to condition us to think that the signs of people pleasing are inevitable because we are kind.
Just because you are a nice person does not mean you have to put everyone before yourself. Being selfish with your energy does not take away from being a kind person. So, here are 5 signs you live for everyone but yourself:
1. You try so hard to make everyone around you happy.
Your biggest worries are if you'll offend or harm someone doing something that makes you happy and if you are currently doing right by everyone if your life. You constantly tiptoe around everyone you love because you don't want to do anything to make them not love you or love you less.
The most weight you carry comes from the burden of trying to please everyone around you but yourself. You are not doing most of the things that would make you happy because friends or family members have expressed their feelings about it. You are scared you'll lose people if you start to focus on yourself. You are scared that if you do something that you have always wanted to do, you won't be loved.
2. You get so upset if you aren't able to make someone happy.
Not like "upset" but you really can't let the fact that you might've hurt someone go. Now you are having to go out of your way to remind them that you aren't a bad person and you hope they can forgive you. There is nothing more disappointing than feeling like you've unintentionally hurt someone. You somehow find the ability to blame yourself but you forget that their happiness is out of your control.
3. You say sorry for literally everything.
Apologizing for everything, even for saying sorry so much, is probably your biggest downfall. In actuality, your apologetic comments are telling others that you are sorry for being who you are. You say sorry so much because you don't know any other way that could show them how you feel about yourself without making the situation uncomfortable.
For example, saying sorry that someone bumped into you. You are apologizing for your existence and any inconvenience that it brought that person in the moment.
4. Your decisions revolve around everyone but you.
This is a bit more obvious, but it still happens all the time. You stop doing, saying, or feeling certain ways around the people you love because they have brought it to your attention that it makes them uncomfortable. You cancel plans to fit in other people's schedules into yours.
For example, you don't hang around a certain friend anymore because it makes another friend uncomfortable. Although you'd rather go to the gym alone, you go with a friend because they can't go alone. You rearrange your plans to hang out with someone that you didn't originally plan to so the friend doesn't assume they're not important.
5. You always feel like a terrible person for saying "no"
And here it is. The one word that you are most afraid to say because again, you want everyone but yourself to be happy.
You don't want to leave your room but your friend asked you to go out to dinner and you can't say no. You love to grocery shop alone but your roommate asks if she/he can come with and you can't say no. You want to study in the library alone but your friend wants to be with you studying and you can't say no.
Although you can't say no, you sacrifice the wanting to be comfortable and at ease for the benefit of others. Saying no would have made you happy and would have felt much better but because you sacrifice your happiness for others, you just can't say it.
None of these 5 things will ever take away from you being a generous person. It is the time that you stop living for others and start living for yourself. Stop apologizing for being who you are, for being honest, and for being vulnerable.
You are who you are, and the only thing that should make you sorry about that is the people you keep in your life that make you feel like you have to apologize for who you are. At some point, you are going to have to realize that it's easier to make yourself happy rather than everyone around you.
Trying to make everyone in life happy isn't worth it. Start saying no whenever you want, stop apologizing for every thing, and start doing everything you want to do. Yes, even if it might hurt others.