Do I mean getting offended? No. I mean mental triggers that reconnect me to something that has deeply affected my life. This is part of what people don't talk about sometimes because it can come out of nowhere, and we may be looked on as weak or unable to control our emotions. And, honestly, it's not fun either.
The first time I ever had a panic attack while reading was when I came across a rape scene. Two sentences in and I knew I was having a panic attack. It came like a thirty-foot wave and lasted for five to seven minutes, which I did not enjoy. Being triggered is one of the most tiring things for me because it can happen anywhere. If anyone ever sees me freeze up in public and look like I need to flee, there's a third of a chance that is happening.
The worst part? Mundane things can set you off. Even with counseling, I am a ticking bomb, especially with anxiety. When that little bugger gets in the mix I feel even worse and more embarrased.
My own siblings, because I've hidden it from them somehow, have maybe seen the beginning of a trigger-induced panic attack, or break down in general. To be fair, they have only seen a small dose of my issues. And I hope they understand it is because I don't want them to have to stress over something I am taking the brunt of mentally and physically. I really do love them.
The problem with triggers is they don't just come with objects, there are other, common, forms. Words can be a big one, and it is unavoidable. We can't control other people words or opinions. And I have accepted that with some frustration on the side. But it is more embarrassing for me than some may think.
Moving on, people that know you can be triggered usually means they are cognizant of a lot of choices they make, even if they sometimes don't realize there is an almost rape scene in a movie. But he did check on me so I couldn't be mad; I hadn't seen it coming either.
So, yeah, I really do hate being triggered. There's no prep kit or any warning. If I could turn back time I would change things, and I could maybe save someone's life. But that isn't reality. I live with the knowledge that I can never change what happened, but I'm working on control still, and it's going to take a while. This is just a frustrating side effect.