I’m Sick Of Being The Other Person

I’m Sick Of Being The Other Person

Why am I always the second choice?
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There is nothing that crushes your self-worth more than realizing that you have always been the second option to everyone who has come into your life.

Being constantly used and thrown out like you’re nothing. Being told “I’m not looking for anything serious” and then having them turn around and leave you in the dust for someone else. Even if you aren’t looking for anything either, knowing you weren’t good enough to be that “something serious” hurts.

At first you don’t think anything of it. Maybe you just weren’t what they were looking for, and you tell yourself that’s fine. But having it happen over and over and over is like slowly being crushed until you eventually collapse, and your positive self image is gone.

Why am I not enough? Will I ever be?

It’s enough to make you feel like you will never be enough for anyone. You will never be worthy of the love you so desperately crave. Don’t get me wrong, I know I don’t need anyone to make me whole. But I just want to feel like I matter to someone. I mean, doesn’t everyone?

And just when you feel like maybe you matter to someone, even a little bit, it all comes crashing back that you have never been more than a second choice. There is always someone else, someone better. You’re disposable. You never meant anything to them.

Sometimes it isn’t hard to shake off. Maybe whatever fling you had didn’t last for long; maybe you closed yourself off because you knew that they would leave in the end. But sometimes it happens with someone you never thought would leave you. It happens with someone you genuinely thought you meant something to.

I spent a night with my absolute best friend, and I thought there was something more there. We talked all night about how we enjoyed spending time with each other and we could trust each other and cared about each other. I felt like I could let my guard down, I felt like someone cared about me.

And then two days later, there was someone else. I didn’t even hear it from him. I had to hear it from someone else.

He told me that nothing will change, he still cares about me, and that we will always be close. But I can already feel that he’s gone. I don’t know why I’m surprised. I don’t know why I expected a different outcome. I don’t know why I was so naive.

I try so hard to be enough. I try to be sweet and funny and caring and hope that maybe someday someone won’t leave. But maybe I’ll always be the other person. Maybe that’s just the way people view me. Disposable. Replaceable.

I’m sick of it. I’m sick of people only keeping me around when it’s convenient. I’m sick of being the girl that people settle for until something better comes along. I’m sick of feeling like I will never be enough. I’m sick of being the other person. I’m sick of being the second option.

To the next person that comes along, if you’re just planning on leaving me like everyone else, then don’t even bother. If you’re just going to throw me out like I don’t matter, then find someone else to toy with. I don’t have the heart to give all of myself to someone again only to be left in the dust when something better comes along, with no explanation.

I wish I didn’t latch on to everyone that comes into my life. I try so hard to distance myself, and sometimes I even fool myself that I do. Maybe I care too much, and maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I fool myself into thinking that I don’t care, when in reality, I do. Maybe I read into things that aren’t there. Maybe I believe that one day I will actually mean something to someone. One can hope, right?

Cover Image Credit: https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2017/08/25/this-gay-twist-ending-to-the-girlfriend-vs-the-other-girl-meme-has-gone-viral/

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10 Things Someone Who Grew Up In A Private School Knows

The 10 things that every private school-goer knows all too well.

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1. Uniforms

Plaid. The one thing that every private school-goer knows all too well. It was made into jumpers, skirts, shorts, scouts, hair ties, basically anything you could imagine, the school plaid was made into. You had many different options on what to wear on a normal day, but you always dreaded dress uniform day because of skirts and ballet flats. But it made waking up late for school a whole lot easier.

2. New people were a big deal

New people weren't a big thing. Maybe one or two a year to a grade, but after freshman year no one new really showed up, making the new kid a big deal.

3. You've been to school with most of your class since Kindergarten


Most of your graduating class has been together since Kindergarten, maybe even preschool, if your school has it. They've become part of your family, and you can honestly say you've grown up with your best friends.

4. You've had the same teachers over and over

Having the same teacher two or three years in a row isn't a real surprise. They know what you are capable of and push you to do your best.

5. Everyone knows everybody. Especially everyone's business.

Your graduating class doesn't exceed 150. You know everyone in your grade and most likely everyone in the high school. Because of this, gossip spreads like wildfire. So everyone knows what's going on 10 minutes after it happens.

6. Your hair color was a big deal

If it's not a natural hair color, then forget about it. No dyeing your hair hot pink or blue or you could expect a phone call to your parents saying you have to get rid of it ASAP.

7. Your school isn't like "Gossip Girl"

There is no eating off campus for lunch or casually using your cell phone in class. Teachers are more strict and you can't skip class or just walk right off of campus.

8. Sports are a big deal

Your school is the best of the best at most sports. The teams normally go to the state championships. The rest of the school that doesn't play sports attends the games to cheer on the teams.

9. Boys had to be clean-shaven, and hair had to be cut

If you came to school and your hair was not cut or your beard was not shaved, you were written up and made to go in the bathroom and shave or have the head of discipline cut your hair. Basically, if you know you're getting written up for hair, it's best just to check out and go get a hair cut.

10. Free dress days were like a fashion show

Wearing a school uniform every day can really drive you mad. That free dress day once a month is what you lived for. It was basically a fashion show for everyone, except for those upperclassmen who were over everything and just wore sweat pants.

Cover Image Credit: Authors Photos

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An Open Letter To My Childhood Best Friend

To Molly Zucker, I hope this article makes everyone surrounding you hear your obnoxious, priceless laugh.

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Dear childhood best friend,

When I look back on my childhood, there is only one person who reminds me of home: you. After moving out of state and time passing on, it's easy to forget where you came from and parts of your childhood. However, the minute I see your face and hear your goofy laugh, the feeling of home returns. You bring out the fun and young in me because let's be honest, you turned out to be the adventurous spontaneous one and I'm just a boring nerd in Organic Chemistry. No one can make my pure childhood laughs come out or make me feel as free-spirited and lively as much as you do.


Lexi Garber

We used to ride our bikes around town, eat salt and vinegar chips until our tongues burned, and do each other's makeup and nails. We would go to the mall and dress ourselves in this horrendous outfits, but ones that we actually thought were cute at the time (Why did you let me wear half of the stuff I did?) We wrote each other cards during Recess and talked about how much we would gossip on our Friday night sleepovers. I could recognize your cupcake vanilla perfume scent from a mile away, even from this day and when I do smell it, it brings back such a warm and comforting familiar feeling.


Lexi Garber

We would talk about what our future would be like, how fun high school would be and what it would be like if we went to the same college. I didn't know that I would move before all of that but little did I know we would remain best friends and talk every day still to this day. Although there are moments where it hurts me that I didn't get to watch you grow out of your crazy, middle school self and into this beautiful and amazing girl, I know one day we will be close in distance again. We still talk about our future like we know what's going to happen and hopefully, we will live together in NYC one day, like we've always talked about. Who knows where we will both end up, but no matter how far we are in distance, we will always be close at heart.


Lexi Garber

The best part of being long distance best friends is that when our other friends annoy us, we can randomly Facetime each other at any time for a quick laugh and a reminder of how sacred our special bond is. We get to plan trips to see each other and show each other what has changed in our lives, but there is one thing that will never change: our friendship. So here's to you being my maid of honor, crazy aunt for my future kids, my soulmate, best friend and partner in crime. You bring out the happiness and best in me and I will love you always and forever.

Love,

Your childhood best friend



Lexi Garber



Lexi Garber

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