I understand. I understand that you love to only eat raw foods and that food truly “empowers you to feel stronger and healthier.” You monitor every calorie you intake, and that's awesome – good for you! But, we don't care.

Sad people eat salads. I have yet to come across a single human being laughing, smiling, or just honestly enjoying himself while consuming a bowl of lettuce. It's not fun. Its not “yummy.” YOU'RE FAKING THAT SMILE. I'm not enjoying you watch it, and I know you aren't enjoying it unless it's drenched in an entire bottle of sodium enriched salad dressing, in which case what’s even the point of eating the salad? I’m skipping it and going for the chicken nuggets. Extra BBQ sauce please!

If you do happen to be one of the rare breed of people that thoroughly enjoy the taste of kale, spinach, and other leafy ingredients, then I applaud you. It must be challenging to train yourself to eat only a specific variety of foods in order to look and feel the way you do. But I feel equally as great after I eat a tub of ice cream, or a slice (or three) of pizza, as you do after you eat an entire plate of grilled chicken, hold the seasoning.

We (the general public) do not need to see posts all over social media about your food preparation for the week of only chicken, broccoli and rice. I will stick to my diet of Chipotle, Starbucks, and basically whatever else I feel like indulging in at the moment. Your diet does not involve us.

There are few things more annoying than hearing someone go on and on about their annoyance with the foods they haven't been able to eat lately because “I just started this diet so I can’t eat, like, any carbs, sugar, sodium, or processed food.” No one is making you do this except yourself, so keep it to yourself. It truly sucks that you can’t eat anything and you’re going to be the most annoying and b**chy person to be around for the entirety of your so-called “diet.” And more importantly, the number one person I am trying to avoid until you give in and shove a piece of cake down your throat.

I personally do not think I have the willpower to go weeks, months, or maybe years cutting out junk foods, processed foods, sugar, and all other crap from my diet completely. All I ask is that if you choose to do one of these diets, leave us out of it. This includes posting, and if you happen to neglect complaining to me about your abnormally colored smoothie you’re about to ingest, the more supportive and serious I will take you on your health kick.

Good luck with your greens.