For more reasons than there is time to list, in today’s society it’s very common to raise a child alone or with a step-parent.
In some cases, someone chose to leave.
In some cases, someone has made decisions that prohibit them to be in the child’s life at the time.
In some cases, someone becomes I'll meet come up with the title give me a title title and vindictive and withholds the child.
In some cases, someone avoids all accountability for the choices they made.
Every situation is different. It’s very rare that someone chooses to put themselves in a position where they have no help from the other party.
However, in some cases it’s necessary for the well being of a child.
I’ve noticed the word ‘deadbeat’ get thrown around a lot when someone becomes estranged from their child and the spouse that is in control of the little one’s life. Such as someone accepting responsibility of their actions and becoming a single parent. However, the definition of such a word is really quite interesting.
DEADBEAT (ded-beet)
noun
1. a person who deliberately avoids paying debts.
2. a loafer; sponger.
Adjective
3. being a parent who neglects parental responsibilities, especially one who does not pay child support.
So in case you don’t understand that definition, let me dumb that down: if you don’t do what you’re past decisions have made your present and future; if you just avoid all obligation to the child you took part in making, that would define you as a deadbeat.
I believe everyone can change and deserves another chance. But if you fall into the category of a deadbeat, accept it and change your ways.
As far as a child being involved, it’s YOUR choice to not take responsibility to raise YOUR child.
It’s YOUR choice to not fight for visitation.
It’s YOUR choice to not try to get custody.
It’s YOUR choice to pretend you did no wrong and it was all the other person’s fault.
But in the end, it’s also your choice to not become an adult any quicker than you desired. I do not care who you are, who your parents are, or how much money you have. If you want to be in your child’s life, you can fight to be. That right is never taken away from you unless there are circumstances to make the situation such.
The second you recognize that you have wrongs, fix them. Do not go around blaming other people because you weren’t willing to put in the effort.
If you’re the single parent taking responsibility for actions you made, I applaud you. If you are in a position where you have to make a decision to pick the well being of your child over people’s feelings, you have to do what you have to if you believe it is the best. If it isn’t you’ll figure that out and you can always change things.
I have gathered two pieces of advice from to very different people for those in these types of situations:
“Always do what is best for your child. While your child is young you have to make the hard decisions for the child because they can't at that point. It's hard but your child's happiness should always be the end goal. Anybody can be a father but it takes loving unconditionally and being there for your child to be a dad.”
“Kids are adaptable. They will get used to change. Believe it or not, someone will love you and your kids. Look for support groups, a church, or single parent support groups specifically for you. You will be fine. You’re not the one missing out on the life you created.”