I am afraid to go outside by myself.

Because I’m a small woman who lives in a college town, I fear what walks around in the night. I shouldn’t be afraid to take my dog for walks. I shouldn’t be afraid to walk a couple blocks from the library to the bus stop without fearing someone will hurt me. I have a good reason for these fears; all too often, these vile humans who commit sex crimes go both unpunished and unreported.

Welcome to rape culture, America.

I’ve been a victim. I have been sexually assaulted by seven different men.

Let that sink in for a minute.

In the last month, I’ve been assaulted two times. By two different men. Both assaults had different circumstances, but sexual assault has several different forms and that’s what is important to share. Not all assaults are rape.

At the beginning of the month, I went on vacation with my friends. We’d been drunk and we met some people on the beach. Everyone got along pretty well, so we all went back up to our hotel room. I was having fun until one of the guys, a man in the Army, started following me around. He would try to talk to me and I’d walk away. Each time, he’d persist. All I wanted was to have fun with my girls, so I continued to drink. I started to feel sick, so I laid down in my bed while the party continued around me.

All I remember next is that I was being shoved up against a balcony and my shorts were being removed. I kept saying no, but he was stronger than I was. Somehow, I got free and I grabbed a change of clothes and locked myself in the bathroom. I’d already started to develop bruises on the backs of my legs from where the railing was digging into me. After that, the party ended pretty quickly.

On Sunday, I was at work. It’d been a busy day, and I was enjoying myself. At my job, when a customer comes up and asks where something is, you take them to it. So when a man probably 10 years older than me asks me to take him to the games, I went. I gave him some recommendations, and when I turned to look at him, he grabbed onto the back of my head and tried to kiss me.

Of course, it took all of my willpower not to smack him, especially when he said, “What, are you taken?” For the rest of the day, it was all I could think about. Not only had I never talked to this man in my life, he assaulted me in my place of employment. The only reason he felt bad about his actions was because he didn’t want to step on another man’s toes. He didn’t regret his actions against me, he felt bad for trying to kiss another man’s girlfriend. Never in my life had I imagined such a scenario.

Now, I’m used to be harassed. Men come into my job and hit on me all the time. I had one guy come into my job on two separate occasions to harass me into giving him my personal information.

I have so many questions. Why does any man feel like any of these scenarios are in any way, shape, or form, acceptable? Why did this man, a man who is supposed to be honorable for serving our country, feel the need to try to rape me once he’d seen how drunk I was? Why did another man, one whom I’ve never spoken to before, feel like it was okay to try to kiss a complete stranger? Is it because I’m small in stature? Is it because I’m an easy target? Or is it because I have the worst luck in the world?

Sexual assault isn’t really about the sex aspect, it’s about power. It’s about finding that victim and waiting until the right time to pounce. It’s predatory.

Recently, an article was published titled, “I Raped My Boyfriend And I Didn’t Even Know It.” I’m not going to link that article because I don’t want to reward assault. I don’t want to reward the admittance of a felony.

Many times, we forget that women are just as capable of being as deviant and cruel as men. Don’t be fooled by her headline, though. She knew what she was doing. In her own words, she stated that the day after she’d assaulted her boyfriend, she knew something was wrong and she’d continually harass him into saying that what she did was okay.

This poor guy. He wanted everything to be forgotten. He didn’t want to go to the police. He just wanted the past to be the past. And this human went against his wishes to make herself look like the victim. As a victim myself, I am disgusted. I am irate. Not only did she out a victim, she outed herself in a pathetic attempt to make what she did seem less disgusting. To whoever wrote that, I sincerely hope that justice comes for you.

I’m tired of living in a world where men and women are okay with hurting other people, mentally or sexually. I’m tired of the victim blaming, the slut shaming, and the idea that women are powerless. I shouldn’t have to have another man walk me to my car because I could be taken. I shouldn’t have to continually experience assault because I’m a woman and because I’m small. I shouldn’t have to rethink having children because of the fucked up world that we live in.

Rape culture is alive and real.

It’s time to make changes, America. Wake up.