“I would never try again,” I said.
I don’t want to try again just to end up getting hurt. I don’t want to get excited over tiny, cute gifts that you are going to give me. I don’t want to be so joyful to see your name pop up in my phone or the time that you want to see me or the time you want to call me or the time you are there for me when I need a shoulder to lean on. I don’t want to paint my nails or put on lipstick because I know how much you love the color of red. I don’t.
I don't want to try again.
I don’t want to sacrifice my time and travel across the state just to see you. I don't want to share my dreams with you or know your favorite songs just to listen to them when I miss you because we had a big fight that day.
I don’t want to cry in my sleep and wonder what I did wrong. I don't want to go to my morning class and hide this face full of sorrow under my sunglasses. I don’t want to love again. I don't want to put the effort into my next relationship because I am so sure they are just going to hurt me as much as the boy that came before did.
I feel so bitter about love because I don’t want to get to know someone just to find that they are just another brick in the wall.
I am scared of love, but then I realize to live in solitude would neither protect me from getting hurt nor protect me from breaking. It would just do as much harm to me; I would die, hungry for love. Love makes life seem fuller and more colorful.
When the time has come, and the perfect match comes along, I know that I would not feel as alone as before. They will love me, even when they know I am flawed. So flawed and a work in progress.
Instead of changing you or breaking you, they will grow with you. They will shower you with kind treatment and words of encouragement every day as if you are the most distinct and beautiful flower they have ever seen. They will let you know that you are worthy of love, and by that, you should not be afraid of your emotions and sensitivity anymore because they understand you.
They will love you as much you love them.