From the moment our eyes met, I think my soul was made for yours. It is just that feeling you get when you see something that God has destined to be in your life. Somehow I knew that you were supposed to be a big part of my life. As I watched our friendship grow and our hearts change, I continued to fall in love over and over again with the man you were becoming. I could imagine my life before me and when I imagined the scenery of those important milestones you appeared in every single nightmare and daydream that could possibly occur during this crazy thing we call life.
But someone once told me "grace is reality" and this life is not reality. The reality is the fact that you are flaky and inconsistent. One minute you show me the universe within your eyes and the next day you refuse me the view. I continue to tell myself that you're not worth it, that there's something better out there for me but somehow I am always led back to you. I continue to put myself on the line while you have your head in the clouds.
I hate the fact that you're unclear and that I can never tell what you're feeling. I hate the fact that one day you act as if you know me and then the next day you act as if you have no idea I exist. I hate the fact that some days you act as if you are better than me. I hate how you act like high school is everything. I hate the fact that you are clueless to my emotion for you. Sometimes I just really hate you and I hate how I continue to sacrifice for you.
But then I remember what I love about you. I love that you are a man of God and that you praise him. I love that you adore your siblings and that you love your mom like no other. I love how you take pride in your work. I love how you care for me when you know I am upset or when you know I feel ill. I love it when you go out of your way to recognize me. I love it when I feel like you are proud of me. I love how you are soft-spoken and slow to anger. I love your humor. I love the way you connect to music. I love your artistic ability. I love it when you give up your pride to comfort me. I love how you look out for me. I love the sacrifice that you make for me.
That same person that told me "grace is in reality" also told me that when boys are young they are not able to receive the love that a woman can give. Maybe you are too young to understand the love I have for you and maybe I am too young to understand the perplexing way that you love but I will give it time because if what they say is true, then one day we will be in the glorious light of each other's love and our happiness will turn into abundant joy. I just have to give it time.
"You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not"- My sister's keeper