My previous university had a wide variety of fraternities. I attended quite a few frat parties and actually enjoyed them (for the most part). While I chose not to rush for personal reasons, I am still interested in fraternities and, more importantly, the people that pledge allegiance to them. In this short article I will analyze the "frat bro." To all fraternity brothers and alike, you will be offended. Please don’t have your dad sue me.
We have all spotted a herd of frat bros on campus. The first thing you will notice is their uniform. Their hair is either a comb over or a shaved head with small tufts of hair in random spots signifying that they are a pledge. Their shirts are always one size too big and usually remained untucked. Their footwear changes with the seasons: Sperry Boat Shoes in the summer, spring, and fall and L.L. Bean boots in the winter. Their pants range from a simple khaki to an EDM rave electric green. The togas are more an excuse to wear less clothing than to harken back to Ancient Greece.
However, this physical description of them does not do them justice. To really understand a frat bro you have to talk with them. This task itself is easier said than done. To start a conversation, you will have to show some interest in joining their fraternity. You will be told a manifesto of why their fraternity is the best and why all others “suck.” This portion of the conversation may take anywhere from 5 minutes to 5 hours. You will be hearing the frat bro using some vocab you have never heard before. There is no need to ask for an explanation because most likely they have no idea what they are saying either.
If you ask them about their career aspirations you will hear about how they want to be the next “Wolf of Wall Street,” JFK or Hugh Hefner (and in some cases all three). Do not inform them that their dreams are not possible because then the conversation will divert into a story about how their dad/uncle/grandfather/lacrosse coach is a banker, lawyer, or doctor and was also a member of the same fraternity. Let them live in their fantasy world where being the manager of an intramural basketball team gets them a job on Wall Street.
Girls do enjoy frat bros and some even date them. They are enthralled by the bad boy nature that surrounds them. The scent of Marlboro Reds, Old Spice and spilt beer is like a love potion to some and a sign to do laundry for others.
Although my review of frat bros could be described as both harsh and scarily accurate, I will admit that frat bros are essential to any college campus like the mention of Ronald Reagan at any Republican Debate. They are the guys that give you an invite to escape the security bubble that is on-campus housing. You can always count on them to be your friend during a night of bad decisions. Frat Bros may not know who Bacchus is, but they sure know how to praise him.
