The first funeral I remember going to, I don't actually remember much of. All I can really remember is being carried out by someone because I was crying so much. I was a really sensitive and empathetic kid. This basically meant that I could feel other people's emotions and I would react to them. Usually by crying.
That day, my mom swore she would never take me to another funeral again because she did not want me to be as hurt as I was. She really held on to the promise. It was over a decade later before I went to the funeral of someone I knew. Even then though, my mom tried really hard to shield me from death and the pain that it brings. She still does to this day.
Last year when a family friend, someone I had gone to high school with, was killed, I had to find out through Facebook. When I called my brother to ask if it was true, he said yes. Our mom had told him not to tell me. Just this past summer, my uncle passed away while I was studying abroad. It wasn't until after the funeral that my grandma called me and told me where she was and what had happened. When I called my mom, she was mad at my grandma for telling me what was going on.
While I appreciate what my mom has been trying to do and while I understand where she is coming from, I believe she is wrong in attempting to shield me from something so natural and frequent as death. Yes, I cry a lot. Yes, I cried an especially large amount at a funeral as a child because I was hurting and because I felt the hurt of others. But that is okay. Actually, it's great!
Being aware of that type of pain, of that gut-wrenching hurt when you must face sorrow, is something everybody will eventually know. Keeping a child hidden from such a pain, while it seems beneficial at the moment, might just hurt them later on when they are forced to confront it much more abruptly and without any guidance that a parent could offer them at a young age.
Death is a difficult subject, and an incredibly painful one but that is just all the more reason to not shield your child from it. I grew up knowing death, even as my mom tried to keep it from me. It has made me into a more compassionate person, into someone who knows all too well that we must be thankful for every day and every memory, into someone who is able to comfort their friends through their pain and loss, into someone who can find ways to cope healthily with their own loss because I have been there before.
Talk to your kids about death if the time comes. Do not shield them from the pain because they will eventually face it. And wouldn't it be better for them to have the proper tools than to struggle blindly through the hurt?