I am not a perfect Christian. I sin a lot more often than I should. I stare daggers at people and I am envious. I am not modest. I rarely hold my tongue, as I think confrontation is my way of facing my Goliath (When in reality it is not that serious). I can make a whole list of how I am not what a Christian woman should be. There are women who uphold the standard better than I ever could. However, I am a Christian woman. I am saved and loved by a Lord who forgives me for what I do that is against his word. A Lord who allows for sin and mistake to be made in hopes for revision of action for the future.

I had not always been as close to God as I wanted to be. I believed that he was there, but I didn't know if he heard my prayers when I prayed. I didn't want to accept the fact that there were people looking for salvation and answers longer than I had been and I thought my questions of "Why me" should be answered right away. I had the fear of God in me but not the love for him I should. I would keep praying for the wrong reasons and if I got an answer to what I was looking for I never thanked him for it. Praying in vain rather than praying for the right reasons.

My reaffirmation of being upholding being a Christian woman happened when my now Fiance came into my life. I began college heartbroken over someone who did not care about me. I prayed to God to heal my broken heart. This man I kept ignoring would not give up on pursuing me. One day I heard a voice tell me to message him back. I met him and I fell in love. Allowing me to forget the pain I felt and God showing me someone who is deserving of pursuing my heart and me deserving enough to pursue his. He is a man that would take his hat off at the table when we go out to restaurants. Someone who says he'll pray for me when I am down and out. A man who watches Christian movies with me that I can turn around and say to him "why aren't you crying?" when I am in tears because the Lord is helping the Characters in the movie. Not to quote the Jason Aldean song but when I see him I think "I swear God made you for me."

Looking back, that was almost three years ago. The Lord has thrown trials and difficulties that caused me to question if He's really on my side. I will fall to my knees and ask why when something is thrown my way that I can't seem to understand. However, that is not the approach I should take. Trying to be the best version of a Christian woman I can be is teaching me patience that I will not be at my best right away but I have to learn and take it day by day.

At the end of the day, I am on this journey to grow closer to the Lord, and I want to be better. I want to be more forgiving, I want to let grudges go. If the Lord can forgive me for all I do why can't I grant someone else at least some forgiveness. I want to be hardworking and remember to give thanks for all the opportunities I have. As a Christian woman who prays to a God who I know hears my prayers and answers them in due time, I want to become a Proverbs 31 woman who praises and gives thanks to the Lord even when He doesn't do anything for me.