Shame on me.

Shame on me for believing that I could please every single person I meet.

To think I had enough optimism inside of me to give out to everyone, and still have some left for myself. For giving it all away, and reaching into that jar of happiness one last time, one last time just for me, only to feel my hand grab onto nothing but dead air.

I believed that in giving everything I had, the forces of the universe would ultimately be in my favor. In loving, I would be loved back. That in giving my time for everyone, they would give time for me as well. But that's not how life works, that's not how everyone thinks.

Shame on me for constantly blaming myself.

For feeling a huge amount of guilt in every single "no" I say.

It hurts to decline an offer, or reject somebody in an opportunity because I don't ever want someone to feel rejected. I know that feeling too well. I hate rejection. And no I'm not being "selfish" or saying that I won't take "no" for an answer, it's because all my life I have been used to being pushed away.

I have been used to being the one everyone forgets to invite, and being the one who makes plans but nothing happens because nobody ever agrees with what I suggest.

And shame on me for thinking that it's my fault, that maybe it's because I am too annoying. Maybe I'm just not as funny and outgoing as I intend to be. Maybe I'm not special and I don't have anything to offer.

Shame on me for always bringing myself down in these situations, and giving everyone else the benefit of the doubt. For making myself seem less than others.

Maybe I do deserve to be alone. Maybe I am just too much to love, too much for anybody.

Shame on me for thinking you were the one.

For believing that you were all I had. For believing you were the only option and thinking you were the one who could save me. For letting myself fall into the comfort of your arms, for leaving my heart out in the open just so you can step all over it.

I really let you destroy me. I forgave everything you did, and even though when the majority of the time it was your fault, I was the one to apologize. And you never learned, and I never learned.

You were just too selfish. And I'd hate to say I hate you, but I do wish I never met you.

But also shame on you.

Shame on you for your cruelty.

I've never met someone as cruel as you. You were treating diamonds like dirt, treating people like dogs, treating me like I was replaceable.

But you were wrong, you're gonna wish you stuck around. Because I will be successful, and I will reach new heights and you will wish I brought you with me.

You're such a fool, because you abandoned something that had the potential to be infinite, limitless. Now you're left to wonder what we could have been.

And you may think you're good now, you may say you don't care, but you will. I promise you will regret everything.

Shame on you for being inconsiderate.

You act and you speak without thinking twice. Do you even listen to the things people tell you? Do you hear the lies you tell?

Let me tell you something. The world does not revolve around you, so stop acting like it. Your character is pathetic. Stop being the ignorant and selfish person you have become and learn to be aware of the things you do and say and how it affects others.

You want to be respected? Give respect. Own up to your own mistakes. Admit to your lies. The first step in solving a problem is admitting there is one to begin with.

You will NEVER learn if you don't take full responsibility for your actions.

And shame on you for making me feel this way.

Those countless nights I have spent in my dark room wondering my worth. Contemplating if the the race was worth it.

Because of you I feel so angry, sad, and frustrated with everyone and no one, with myself and with you. I can't seem to keep up a decent conversation these days. I take lonely walks at night because I feel if I don't I will lose my mind behind those four walls of my room.

People are always asking me if something is wrong when I am clearly okay. It's because I have moved away from my usual talkative self and learned to keep most things to myself.

And I blame this all on you. For the first time, I'm taking a stand for myself, because I know I did nothing wrong. This is all your fault.

And lastly, thank you. Because I would not be the person I am today if it was not for you.