There has been a lot in the past few years about this particular topic, some being pretty bad.
So, if I am being completely honest, I wasn't really sure if I was ever going to publish this (let alone even write about it) but then I thought about all of those people who never said anything because of being afraid and it that maybe hearing what I have to say would encourage them to come forward or at the very least speak to someone about their experiences.
With that in mind, I wanted to share a little bit of a personal story that I have just recently come to a place where it doesn't upset me to talk about anymore.
Let me be very clear before you get any further, in this case, sexual assault does not necessarily equal rape.
A few years ago, I had my own experience ( and one or two since) with what people, today, would now consider sexual assault, although I didn't know or really understand what had happened at the time (and there was no such thing as Metoo or Timesup yet).
I was hanging out with the guy at my house and we were alone, it was late and I remember it being dark outside. Next thing I know he is asking me to take my shirt off and leading me over to the couch. Now I partly don't feel comfortable going into what happened next but the truth is I don't really remember much of the details. I can remember things that seem so insignificant such as the color of the bra I had on that night and the fact that is was indeed pitch-black outside because the light in the kitchen was on and the feeling of just wanting it to all be over. It was worse after he left. Looking back now I am almost certain that what happened to me then was sexual assault and it's a day that I'll remember very vividly that he probably hasn't thought about since.
One in three women have experienced sexual assault and felt like they couldn't reach out to anyone.
If I'm being completely honest, I've been there. They're scared that people won't believe them, which is one main of the things that keep them from reporting (and one of the reasons it's taken me so long to talk openly about it.) In fact, I think the hardest thing for me to do was figure out how I was going to eventually tell not only my parents and other family members, but potentially a SO or friends.
I know there are going to be a few people that see this and don't believe it (or understand it), but that's okay. For me what matters most is those that see it and realize that they aren't alone.
At the time that it happened, I wasn't comfortable with reporting it (or even talking about it) and the thought of even writing it down, scared me. Now, it may be hard, but I've found that even opening up to even one person and talking about it helps.
For people that have never experienced this type of trauma, here are a few things you should know. One (and probably one of the most important), I knew the guy and I would say that we were pretty close. Two, It can happen to anyone. Three, if it does happen, it's not your fault and you didn't do anything to deserve it. And four, what you wear, do, or say doesn't validate what happened.
Nicolas Sparks once said:
"But...as bad as it was, I learned something about myself. That I could go through something like that and survive."
I think it's completely important for someone (no matter the circumstance) that has gone through anything traumatic or upsetting or whatever it may be to understand that they can not only survive it, but overcome it.
Your trauma is valid. And no one can tell you otherwise.
For anyone who is a survivor of sexual assault here is a link to the hotline's website and information page.